*you guys are going to seriously hate me for this. I'm sorry, so sorry. also, this is really bad but what's new?
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"Tell me." I hardly recognize my voice, the weak and fearful tone now foreign to me.
You see, I'm the girl who is always happy, always so bright. I'm the girl who has everything put and pieced together, my life all anyone would ever wish for. I'm the girl who always smiles.
I paint a picture of someone who is truly and utterly happy.
I laugh at that girl now.
He shakes his head, guilty written across his features.
"Tell me," I speak louder, resentment bubbling up in my chest. "Tell me what you did." I hold back the storm of tears that threaten to fall, willing the sea to calm.
He stands from his place at the end of our bed, pacing the room. He runs his hands over his face in frustration and regret.
"Damnit Sean, just tell me!" I scream.
His head snaps up, his eyes finding mine. "You want to know what I did?" He begins, walking towards me. "I fucked up Kaycee. I fucked everything up."
He slams his fist against the wall, resting his forehead against it. "I'm sorry," he explains, a sob loud in his throat, "I'm so sorry."
I sink back against the bed's headboard, my eyes growing glossy. My heart continues to sink deeper in my chest, cracks forming in its fragile structure.
"I want to know everything, every little thing," I spit through gritted teeth, hugging my knees to my chest.
He shakes his head to me, his eyes so full of sarrow it hurts to look. "Please, don't make me do that."
I clench my jaw, my hands beginning to shake. "Tell me, now."
He sinks to the floor, his back resting against the wall. A tear runs down his cheek as he begins, "I was drunk, so wasted. I was so upset we were fighting, I just needed an escape. I stayed at the bar, asking for drink after drink until I lost count, and everything become blurry."
He stops, licking his lips, salty tears mixed in. He swipes at the water painted on his cheeks, sniffing. "I can't say the rest, it's too hard."
My vision is blurry by now, my hands grabbing helplessly at the sheets. "Its hard?" I choke out, anger boiling in my blood. I stand, slowly walking to him, "Its hard?" I ask again, raising my eyebrows.
He simply nods, more tears falling from his eyes. I laugh, cold and bitter, crossing my arms.
"What about me, huh? How do you think I feel. Imagine, Sean, a cold hand digging into your chest, your soul, and ripping out your heart as it throws it on the ground. All the while, it laughs, watching as I scream in pain. Imagine how I feel."
"I- I." His body trembles, a sob coming from his throat. I've never seen him like this before, and all I want is to reach out to him, hold him. Then I remember.
"So, tell me. I need to know what happened. I need to know."
His head shakes back and forth, his hands tugging at his hair. He swallows, his voice shaky as his continues on.
"I- I remember she came on to me, and I was just so lonely Kayc, so desperate. Then, I- I just remember waking up, and she was next to me."
"Who was next to you?" I try to control my voice, though I want to scream and cry and throw up.
"I- I don't know."
I nod, closing my eyes. "She was naked?"
"Yes," he chokes out.
"What did she look like?"
"Kaycee, please-" he begs.
"What did she look like?" I ask once more, voice stern.
"Brown hair, pale skin- why does this matter?"
"You don't get to decide what matters," I snap.
Silence
"Was it good?"
"Was what good?" He questions sadly.
"The sex!" Please say no, I beg pathetically.
"God Kaycee, I don't know. I barely even remember-"
I hold up my hands, my eyes closing. "Just the thought of your hands on her, your body mixed with hers." I bring a shaky hand to my mouth. "Oh my God Sean, how could you- how. I trusted you, I loved you," my voice cracks.
I begin to sob histerically, my strong demeanor shrinking, revealing the poor exscuse of my heart.
I soon feel him next to me, my back having already slid down the wall, resulting in my position on the floor.
He pulls me onto his lap, though I resist, and warps his warm arms around me. "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry," he crys into my hair as I cling to his arm, my nails digging into his skin. I can feel his body shake, his heart pounding in my ears.
As my tears slow, I sniff, pulling back. I stare into his glossy eyes, searching for the man I fell in love with. I find him in there, somewhere buried deep down, but I don't recognize him. I don't think I ever will. All I see now is him and some women, an image I will forever create in my mind.
I cup his cheeks, bringing his lips to mine. I kiss him slowly, pouring all the love and passion I felt for him into it. His hands grip my face desperately, his lips responding immediately.
I pull back against his tight hold, pushing him away from me. All I could imagine, while we kissed, was his lips on someone else's. "You need to leave."
He sits motionless, his hands laid helplessly on his lap.
"Please, Kayc-" he begs
I stand, going to the bathroom. "Leave, please." I slam the door behind me, locking it.
"Kaycee," he sighs on the other side of the door. "Please don't do this."
I turn my head to the left, angling my voice for him to hear, "You did this Sean. You broke us. I need you to leave."
I listen, hearing his small sniffs. Then, I hear the slam of a door, and everything is silent.
I close my eyes, bringing my cupped hands to my mouth. I cry.
