"You ask me what our future holds... I'll dig a hole and say, 'let's go.'"
- Heavy Head, Elder Brother
_________
Days came and went, time passed in between hands of cards and naps until the sun set and we settled down for the night in an inn. When two rooms were forced to one, Ed would always offer the bed to me, resorting to sleep on the couch. Al would usually stay up, pouring over Alchemy and theory books just as much as the lamplight poured onto him.
It was a cycle I got used to. I found myself laughing more, able to fake higher pitches and bigger smiles. Able to stretch the silences on for another moment or two.
Ed never noticed these pauses.
He stayed laughing or staring, a kind gaze that usually drifted down, that soft smile placed upon his face.
I tried not to notice how a blush usually touched his face as well.
Sometimes a wall would break; a slight crack snapping into the structure. My own thoughts or Ed pulling up a childhood memory between the three of us was the source of the fracture. The memories, thankfully, were rare, and I was able to hide away in smiles and nods whenever they were mentioned.
Fragments of an old life.
There was a part of me that couldn't help but wonder... If he saw me in such kindness, such careful nostalgia, what did he think of me now? What did he consider me to be?
It was an answer I knew all too well.
Nothing... that's all I was. An empty shell of a person. A fragment of who I used to be.
No; not even a fragment. An inverted, microscopic cell of who I once was. A twisted smile of an avoided reflection.
I was the best liar I knew.
It was dark, early morning when it first happened. Ed and I were talking, him packing his suitcase and myself by the bathroom sink. Running the water over weak hands, wringing a cloth and flicking steam against porcelain. Heat against a normal temperature.
I wanted to burn. Always.
"—but then that damn dog bolted before we got anywhere!" Ed continued on with a laugh. I couldn't help but smile through my pain.
"Yeah, I remember that," I said, even though the turmoil, the rolling tension inside of my chest and the piercing burn on my hands. I remembered being five again, hunting down an animal in play and not feeling like I would die internally. Not feeling like the world was constantly crashing down.
"You okay?"
I looked back to him, my heart in my throat.
I tried to grin. My hand twitched out, fingertips swishing towards him in motion. "I just heard the word 'dog' and thought it was that one Winry had. With the mechanical limbs!"
"Oh, Den?" Edward parroted. And he looked away, hand rising to his mouth, creating a thinking pose. He looked up from the floor, meeting my eyes. I put on my best mask--my biggest grin.
Finally after a moment, the bottom of his eyes curved.
"Yeah, that damn dog couldn't have gotten anywhere without automail! Goes to show how useful it is!""
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Leave A Scar (Fullmetal Alchemist)
FanfictionAU. After the defeat of Father, Ed and Al fail to get their bodies restored. They're still searching, but with a sudden strange power, and a bounty on Edward's head, things aren't going to be easy. And despite what they say, I'm not doing them any f...
