Leave A Scar (Fullmetal Alchemist)

A Harsh Lesson; A Painful Truth

"You took it with you when you left, these scars are just a trace."

_________

He waited for one of us to talk. Arms on his legs, hands threaded in the space between his knees. Space that I should be filling...

"So... it's not easy to start this." He brought up a hand, hanging it from his neck. Continuing to sit on the bed, eyes on the floor. "But Winry and I... we... got together about a year ago."

And then he spoke again, and I felt my lungs cave in. Collapsing to the very floor of myself.

"I loved her. I fell in love with her, over the course of so many years."

There was a smile in his voice; I couldn't deny it's presence. But the tense... The tense he was using...

"I couldn't forgive myself, if something were to happen. If I left her there alone, permanently" the word nearly broke in his throat "But I knew... If I never told her how I felt, that regret would be one of my last thoughts."

He stayed quiet, stare searching the floor beneath his feet, and I could tell he wanted to say something else. Or he was thinking about it, anyway.

"What is it?" I asked softly, forcing myself to continue watching him.

He raised a hand to his hair, eyes shutting away from me.

"I was just thinking about how she basically told me the same thing. How she'd regret never..." He shrugged, arms dropping back down to his lap. His hand rose an inch or two, a pair of fingers spread only to close. "Closing the distance between us, if something were to happen."

The knot in my stomach was so tight, twisting so much that I felt like the organ would rip in two. I closed my eyes, reminding myself this was in the past. He was here with me now. It served as a type of comfort, and my mind went back to this morning, when he had pinned me back against the bed.

"After all we've been through and everything we have done... You think you haven't seen anything new? That you haven't seen the sides of me Winry's only dreamt of?"

Warmth came into my gut. I opened my eyes, a little surprised to see him staring at me. That soft smile on his face. Another side he only showed me, I suppose.

That smile took me back to the beginning; to a train ride to Central City with a spoof pocketwatch in my bag.

It was there, with that smile, that our story began. But I didn't-couldn't-distract myself. This was his story. Not mine, not ours.

It was a piece I had no business trying to fit.

"I went back to get my automail fixed, about a year ago, since it needed maintenance I couldn't take care of myself.

I... I knew she cared about me. I got scared"-His eyes shut, hiding that gold away from me-"I got really scared because I realized how much I would hurt her if something were to happen to me. That's what kept me away in the first place, but I guess my own selfishness got in the way of that." A soft, self-deprecating grin was in his voice and I felt my stomach twist just at the sound of it. I didn't know what to say. I just wanted to give something that would get a real smile on his face.

I could only stand... and think.

Was he still in love with her? Was I... If... If he showed up again and suddenly asked me back into his life... Would I say yes? Would I even hesitate?

I wasn't sure, but I felt so disgusted with myself. My eyes shut, hand coming to my mouth before closing in a fist. I hated myself; I was making this about me again. Ed needed me to listen, and here I was whining about the least significant thing in the world.