The Willows (book three)

Chapter 8

Chapter 8-Harry's POV:

The hours of the day pass by, slowly and tiring like a walking tortoise. I had wandered to the mall for an hour before the loud chatter and irritating people gave me a head ache, I drove to Louis' after the noise became unbearable. We settle ourselves in his somewhat chilled basement, furnished with couches and way too many blankets to count. I stare at the television, concentrating on every move I make in our competitive game of FIFA on his console. I try to focus on the game as best I could, but my mind keeps reminding me about Ocean. In the corner of my eye, Louis glances in my direction and I know there is a conversation to follow.

"Are you okay?" He asks.

"I don't know." I admit, the numb feeling inside me is ironically sensational. I can't describe it, "You miss her." He states carefully, like words will set me off. But it's the truth and I can't deny it, you can only except what is true and deal with it, I've learned that a lot.

"Yeah." I say quietly, "I know how that feels." He continues, "Eleanor left town for the whole summer last year and I was so alone because we used to do almost everything together. I definitely wasn't myself, cooped up in my room playing the piano like I was clinically depressed."

He matches his experience so perfectly with mine that his upcoming advice may help, "It's like losing your other half. Hell, it is losing your other half, and shit it hurts."

I start slacking in the game and Louis notices quite quickly, seconds after the pause menu appears on the screen, "Harry you gotta stop beating yourself up for everything that's happened." He says as I slouch back against the couch, my head hanging over the back, "It's not your fault, everything that happened wasn't your fault."

"If I had just-"

"No, you couldn't do anything ti stop it." He says, "You tried everything you could to protect her-"

"What if it wasn't enough?"

He shrugs, looking down at the controller in his hands, "For everyone, nothing is ever good enough for others and for ourselves, we can't do what people expect of us we're only human. But saying 'what if' and wishing you could've done something won't change anything." He turns to me, putting a hand on my shoulder,

"You really did try, Harry." I look down at my hands, playing with my fingers, "Someday soon she's going to remember you, someday she's going to find out that you're the reason she smiles everyday of her life. Someday this will all be over and all you can do is tell yourself that you saved her."

I look up at Louis and smile, "Thanks man." He nods, patting my shoulder once, "Now can I continue to kick your ass."

We laugh together and I sit up. I wanted to feel better, I really did. I understood his advice and it was good. But it doesn't change my mood.

...

After a couple of hours drag on by, Gemma gives me a call that night to tell me Ocean is asleep. I head home, driving through the darkness, finding my eyes to be drawn to the bright moon ahead. I park my car in it's usual spot and walk almost completely silent to the house, my foot occasionally kicking up rocks around my ankles.

When I enter the house I find Gemma sound asleep on the couch with a blanket wrapped around her legs and her head peacefully laid upon the pillow. I walk to her and pick her up carefully, one arm under her knees and the other secured around her back. After making my way upstairs I carefully set her on her bed, pulling the blanket over her.

"Good night Gem."

I whisper before walking to my room across the hall. I look around and pick up some dirty clothes off the  floor, throwing them in the hamper and getting into bed. I look at pictures of Ocean and I in my phone, I miss her so much and she's so beautiful. I don't know how this will last but I want to be able to be closer to her soon.