Broken Words

Chapter 9-25/8/18

"Is this really the right place?" Riley asked.

She stood in front of her family's trailer, staring around at the empty field. The sun winked at her, just as it dipped below the horizon. It seemed as if it had answered her question, which had been ignored by her family.

Her younger brother was busy lining up his toy cars in the grass, preparing them for the ultimate off road race of their lifespan. It was a shame that they'd end up ruined though, some of them had belonged to Riley when she was his age and she had been quite fond of them.

"Do you want to play with me Riles?" He asked hopefully.

"Not now champ," She instantly felt guilty when his face fell. "In a bit, I have to make dinner first."

He beamed at her and continued lining up the cars, his tongue sticking out in concentration.

"Don't destroy those toys too much, I don't want to have to buy you new ones," Riley grinned.

Her mother was leaning against the car bonnet, a cigarette clenched between her tightly pursed lips. The hypocrite.

When her father had first gotten ill, her mother had banned Riley from smoking in the house, sending her out into the cold night air to smoke. But as he got worse and the hope of his recovery began to fade, her mother had completely banned her from smoking. She'd hid her cigarettes and lighter, either yelling or ignoring Riley when her daughter called her out.

But it was okay for her mother to smoke around her father apparently, which was something that she did more and more frequently.

"Can you help me take the boxes in mom," Riley prompted as she balanced boxes of fragile crockery on top of one another precariously.

Instead of helping, her mother simply stood and watched her, smoke drifting upwards in a translucent trail.

"I'll do it Riley," Her dad said, trying to get out of the car.

"Dad you are in no shape to even try to carry this up the stairs," Riley replied, pushing him back down into the car seat and turning to her mother. "Mom."

But her mother wasn't listening, or was pretending not to. She was staring off into the distance, the cigarette still in her mouth. It was as if she'd glued it to her bottom lip.

"Fine then," Riley mumbled, swaying awkwardly as she stumbled up the stairs and tried to fit through the doorway.

For the past few years, she'd been telling herself that her mother would get over herself and start pulling her weight. And for the past few years, she'd been lying to herself.

It wasn't as if her father was dead, something she hated to think about. He was still there, laughing, joking, playing with Riley and her younger brother. Her mother had found the time and the energy to fuck one of Riley's dad's closest friends, but when it came to washing dishes, she suddenly was incapable of doing it.

With a large sigh of relief, Riley placed the boxes down. Nothing was broken.

As she began to unpack the boxes, she heard the click of the door open and felt a chill run down her spine as eyes bore down on her.

"You said we weren't allowed to smoke around dad," She said, placing a picture frame on the cabinet.

This part was always stressful. They'd pack up to move three miles away and then have to unpack, only to have to repeat it all over again in a few months.

There was no reply, though she heard her mum sway and hit the counter.

"So that's what was in the flask. You said that you weren't going to drink again," Riley continued.

"Shut up. I'm the adult here."

"Well you're not acting like it."

This was how their fights usually played out, her mother insisting that she was the adult even though she was incredibly immature.

"You were rude earlier," Her mother said.

"And you were ignoring me. We're as bad as each other."

There was silence for a moment before Riley's mother grabbed hold of the picture frame and threw it across the room.

"Mom!" Riley stares at the fragments of glass that lay glistening on the floor like ice.

"We're not a family anymore, there's no point acting like it," Her mother said, her voice slurring.

Angry tears pricked her eyes and Riley spun around and pushed her mother, who stumbled a few steps backwards.

"Who's fault is that? Well it's certainly not dad's, it's not Danny's and it's not mine. I didn't want to walk in on you and dad's friend. You're the one who betrayed us. I found the plane tickets and the texts, you were going to leave us weren't you? You were going to run away with him, just disappear and leave me to pick up dad's broken pieces and to look after Danny."

Her mother stared at her blankly, the alcohol slowing down the time it took her to process the words that were tumbling from Riley's mouth. Riley barged past her mother, grabbing the cigarettes and lighter that lay on the side as she left.

"Riley, where are you going love?" Her dad asked as he leant on the car, pale and exhausted.

"I'll be back soon," She replied, strolling across the field towards the city of light.

Once she was far away enough, she sat down and rested her head on her knees, sobbing loudly into her jeans. Her mascara was smudged and there were dark patches on her jeans from her tears, but she had bigger problems.

Clambering back to her feet, Riley lit a cigarette and continued on her way. Her face lit up in the darkness by the pinprick of red at the tip of her cigarette.

***

It was late by the time Riley finally decided to come back, probably about one or two in the morning.

She'd been out to buy some nicer clothes for school and to also get a job, something that pained her but if things kept going the way that they were going, then her mother would leave and they'd have no money.

The city had been more alive than she'd thought. There had been a couple, a boy and a girl, leaving a dance studio with their clothes strung over their shoulders and ice creams in their hands. There'd been an asian girl leaving a therapists office, who bumped into a boy standing outside of a hotel with a cigarette.

As she made her way back across the shadowy field, bags slung over her arms, she noticed that the lights were on inside of her trailer. Great, she was going to come in and be greeted with a rant. But instead, her father was sat on the steps, a blanket over his shoulders and two mugs in his hand.

"You shouldn't be out here, it's too cold," Riley said, plopping down next to him.

"And you shouldn't storm out, it's too cold and it's too dangerous," He replied, handing her the mug and wrapping part of the blanket over her shivering shoulders. "What did you get?"

"Just some clothes, I thought that it would be best if I didn't have fuck written all over my shirt at school. I got a job as well," She added. "It's at a gas station and the wages are pretty low, but it'll do for now."

"That's good," They were silent for a moment as Riley dipped on her mug of coffee. "What did your mum say to you earlier?"

"That we're not a proper family anymore and that I need to stop acting like it," Riley said, feeling tears well up in her eyes.

"Don't listen to her, you know what she's like. She hasn't been the same since I was diagnosed."

"I'm scared dad, what if something happens to you and I'm left here with her," Riley said. "I won't know what to do with myself."

"I'm not going anywhere, not for a long time," Her father said, wrapping his arms around her.

Riley buried her face in his shoulder, choosing not to hear his lies as she wept.