TomTord/TordTom Oneshots and eddsworld art

Fun Dead cause i loVE A.K. SO MUCH

Extra-extra long to make up for my hiatus. a oneshot in which a character plays matchmaker. this is like 3,000+ words holy shit.

(???'s POV)

[Age: 11]

I watch blankly as another person gets swallowed whole by a zombified animal. Stupid, trying to pet a green animal with rotting flesh. This place sucks. Who'd want to go to an amusement park full of zombies? I wouldn't, but I didn't have a choice in the matter.

I tighten my grip on my AK-47, not bothering to do my 'job' of shooting the zombies if they get too close to the humans. I could honestly care less. Sucking on my overly large lollipop, I spin the gun onto my back and start to walk away. Those guys that made this stupid 'Fun Dead' park aren't here, so why should I stay? I'm not even getting paid. This is child labor.

I scratch my head, jostling my partially bitten and dirty-with-blood, white ADSF cap. I haven't taken a shower in a while. Or brushed my teeth for that matter. Dang, my mouth is going to be full of cavities if it isn't already. I pop my lolly out of my mouth and scan my surroundings. Where am I supposed to go?

I'm pretty sure I have no more family to go home to, and there isn't anywhere for a 11 year old with a gun to stay. I take a small lick of the sweet candy. Maybe I could just take some money from the arcade? Enough to be on my way at least.

I shrug to myself as I walk the path toward the arcade, passing by struggling zombies tied to poles with rope. Their sickly green skin just seemed to be getting worse with time. They probably stink of rotting flesh. I wouldn't know. I just got used to the smell.

As I continued walking, I saw the familiar arcade building in the distance. A few zombies are loose around it. Must've broken out of their restraints. I knew the ropes weren't tied tight enough. They don't take notice of me, instead going after some family. No, wait...they're going to free the other zombies. Huh. Smarter than I thought. Well, I did see one of them using a smartphone, so I guess I just underestimated them.

The zombie crowd started to grow, so I hurry into the arcade and barricade the doors with some rubble. I walk around the abandoned building and find the counter where you'd buy coins. I climb over with a little struggle and find the cashier. I open it up. 1, 2, 3...376.89 pounds. A little more than I expected. Which is fine, of course. Shoving my lollipop back into my mouth, I snatch all the bills and stuff them into the pockets of my jeans.

I turn around to leave again, but of course the zombies have other plans. There's a huge sea of green surrounding the barricaded doors. Too many for me to shoot. I'm screwed. Oh well. I've had a good run, I guess.

I sit on top of the counter and let my dangling legs swing. I mindlessly suck on my candy and think about how my life has gone. I was born. Then I went to school. I didn't have any friends and I didn't talk. I didn't get bullied, so that's a plus. My mom decides 'Hey! Why don't we have a nice family outing together?' with a family of just me and her. Then I get separated from her and get stuck in an arcade with some guy that had no eyes. Got a gun and now I'm here.

I continue to think about life and how bland it is. Really, it is. Then I heard a thud.

I don't even bother to see where it came from, I just immediately drop down behind the counter and hide. I'm shaking a bit. Is it the zombies? Probably. I'm ready to die then. But instead of loud groaning and gross zombie noises, I hear bangs. Gunshots. Is someone here to save me?

"Hey! Is anyone here?" My heart leaps at the sound of a human voice. Someone who sounds like they know what they're doing. I almost start to get up, to wave at whoever's here and thank them. But then I remember something very crucial.