A New Wolf Life (Completed)

Ch 45 - I'm Not Done

Copyright to VedaPettigrew

I screamed and thrashed in my mate's arms as he tried to get through to me, but the new discoveries shattered my ability to think, to reason, to even know how to exist. All I could think was that he was a part of it somehow.

"Let me go, let me go," I shrieked but he didn't listen. His arms were immoveable, steel encased in soft warm flesh, moulding itself around me, keeping me safe even while I struggled with all my might against it.

"Etta," he urged, mouth pressed into my hair.

I stuck my fingers in my ears, screeching, "NO, no, no, no, no." I couldn't hear another thing. It was too much. My whole world had been tipped over and shaken like a snow globe. And he knew. He was a part of it.

He was a part of it.

I grabbed the only line of thought that I could follow and held onto it with stubborn anger. Nothing else made sense, all my thoughts were jumbled, I couldn't ground myself.

I wanted someone to press the reset button and make it all go away.

"Okay baby," he murmured low in my ear, anguish evident even through my altered state. I felt his fingers on my neck and then nothing...

I came-to on a soft bed, lying curled up on my side. Dominic's presence was heavy in the room, but he wasn't touching me. I kept my eyes closed as memories of my breakdown filtered through my mind. Overwhelming sorrow bubbled up inside me - my father was stolen from me by an evil man.

It wasn't fair. I wanted it not to be true. I didn't know how to live in a world where my grandfather had killed my father. The pain was too violent, its intensity shocked me.

I shocked me too... my reactions took me by surprise, I had no control...

I recalled screaming at Dominic, yelling curses and blame at him like a weapon. Shame crept over me as hot tears burnt my eyes. I opened my heavy lids and immediately landed my desperate gaze on my mate, who was sitting close by my side, eyes trained on mine, anguish hidden deep inside the darkness.

"Sorry," I whispered in a croaky voice. "I'm so sorry, I don't know what came over me. I'm not done, I'm not," I choked on the tears clogging my throat, "I'll never be done with you. I can't believe I said that. And I know you deserve a chance to explain, I was just so angry and ... c..cc.completely ... d..devastated." I couldn't stop sobbing. "I w..w..wwasn't thinking ssssstraight. I'm not done." I felt utterly broken.

While I was speaking he leant forward, sweeping away the tears stinging my cheeks. "I know my angel. You don't need to apologise, I know you were hurting badly."

"I d..do," I cried urgently, grabbing his hand and holding it to my chest. "I should," hiccough, "NEVER have sssaid I w..w.was done with you. It was a LIE... I D..DO want you, always. I'm sss..orry," my voice couldn't stop breaking as I thought of the pain I'd caused him. "I hate that I said that. I ww.w...w..wish I could take it back."

Because ultimately, I trusted him. I trusted that he had reasons, and that things were not as they seemed. He loved me. And I hurt him by saying such a terrible thing.

The thought caused me to fly out of bed and into his lap, curling into a ball, needing to be as close to him as possible. He instantly wrapped me up, tucking me under his chin. "I want you, I want you, I want you..." I repeated over and over, trying to use my words like first aid on a wound. "I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you."

"I know baby. It's okay."

I shook my head into his neck, "It's not okay. I'm ashamed of myself." The problem was, that saying sorry now was like trying to fix a hole in the wall by putting a poster over it, it may look fine from the outside, but underneath was a different matter. I damaged his heart with my careless words. "It's not okay," I repeated shakily.