Contained and Released

Give Me Oxygen

Taine wasn't ready for the world or the drizzling desperation of his mind this morning. Well, he never was, but when he woke up today, it hit him like a truck.

To say the least, if you were to walk in his room now, not that anyone dared to - you would find the man on the floor crying and looking like a mess. He was laying on the wooden floor staring up at the ceiling, not moving but feeling so, so tired and drained. The tears were running down his face faster than Usain Bolt and he wasn't trying to restrain them anymore. It was easier as he thought he had had enough difficulty for a lifetime - if you could simplify it to that and deem it acceptable.

His chest jerked up and down every time he tried to breathe, he needed to get air, he needed to be reminded how to breathe again like it wasn't a struggle. Because breathing in the world that made it very clear it didn't want him to thrive or even breathe like it was natural. Oxygen began to drag down his throat as if it was made out of thorns. Scraping, ripping at his frail being.

It was happening again, but he was ready this time and he wouldn't fall. Not too far anyways.

Now, his throat was slamming shut as his breaths got sharper, more quickly.

Come on, it's not real anymore. You can breathe. You can. He told himself in his head.

He knew he could breathe, but saying something out loud and your head was a completely different thing than doing said thing. It was so, so hard. That would always be so, so much more to him than anyone could ever imagine.

His eyes drifted shut.

He didn't breathe.

He couldn't.

His demons won the battle again and cheered when he passed out.

To him, it was unfortunate that he would wake up eventually. Too soon. Now all the demons had to do was wait.

-------

Taine lifted himself up off the floor, his entire being cracked and ached out loud. It sounded like he was now physically breaking as he'd already broke a long time ago mentally and emotionally. They were the same thing really.

Leaning his elbows on his bent knees as he was still sat down on the floor. He heard nothing for once, maybe the tormentors weren't aware he was awake. He huffed and dragged his hands down his face quickly glancing at the time.

Oh, cr*p.

He had another speech lesson in 20 minutes and he wasn't even ready. He quickly got up from the floor ignoring the pain in his ... well, the pain was everywhere.

He went into his bathroom and stripped off his clothing immediately putting in in the hamper and jumping into the shower. It would take him around 5 to 10 minutes to shower which was fine and then about 5 minutes to dress, do his teeth and have a little snack.

He ran down his plan in his head because he had nothing else to think about while the demons were gone

Well, that was a fat lie. He could daydream about that girl. Woman even. Who professed so much... so much, just. Ugh, he didn't know what she was trying to do to him, but it was working. She was taking up the empty space in his mind. She was a blessing of a distraction. A beautiful one at that.

But he was never able to think about her for long, his demons would remind him that they could and would chase her off. So he left it at that. Even though he did not want to.

Anyways, within his time estimations, he was ready and walking down the halls with his previously prepared backpack. To be honest he looked forward to these lessons, to him they were lessons on how to be a better human. So he may as well start from the beginning with speech, which he knew was pitiful but he couldn't have helped it. Wrong place wrong time he tried to persuade himself once again but we all knew, him more than everyone else that that wouldn't work. Nothing did.