fight for control ↠ harry styles [b1] ✓

CHAPTER 44

Renleigh Kensington

I had never felt so much panic before going back home and it annoyed me that I couldn't figure out why. Well, at first, I had no idea, now I just blamed it on the time I told Styles what happened to me whenever I was around family. It had to have been that, right? I opened up the wounds I always kept pressed down, the same ones that I never dared to open because I couldn't deal with them. Although it was my decision to tell him about it, I still blamed him for it because when I asked if we could talk, he seemed completely off. And I know, I know... you cannot really tell how people feel through a text message but his two-word reply put me off. It was very easy for me to give up on something like that, I hated feeling the way I did in certain situations and talking about those things was the last thing on my 'things I enjoy' list.

It was Thursday now, when I was meant to meet up with him so we could talk. That was something I didn't look forward to – for me, everything that went down was already sorted. It happened and I was over it. He, on the other hand, was very much all about sorting through problems and I guess I couldn't escape that easily.

This was such a grey area for me because when I was with Wolf, he just let me have my way. If I said I was over it and it was in the past, he was cool with it because for the most part, he made the mistakes. This meant that as long as it didn't leave him in trouble, he was more than happy to move along. This time around, it was very much me who fucked things up but I guess that was thanks to him.

I had piles of clothes on my bed – suits, dresses, skirts, shirts, socks... all kinds of shit. I was only going for the weekend, yet I was ready to pack my whole wardrobe up. The mess I made was from being so distracted and as much as I wanted to pin it on my feelings towards going home, it really was Styles who caused my mind to go to war.

It just annoyed me that he didn't want to talk to me. At least that was how it came off to me. Especially because he didn't even try calling me after I told him I was driving. And yes, I didn't reach out either, but that was mainly due to the fact that I texted him first and it didn't work out. Plus, the way I felt about these past few days without him, probably added to the confusion that swirled around in my head.

It was a constant battle, really.

I knew I shouldn't have let myself like him because it was not professional, however, there was only so much I could control in this situation. It was a fight between my heart and my head, I guess, which was very cliché and it made me gag and almost throw up but that was the truth and I had to face it. No matter how many times I spoke to myself in my mirror, how many times I said out loud that I cannot and will not like him, that all went to shit.

This week was the worst week and I had to come to the conclusion that this was because of him. Because he wasn't a part of my week.

Prior to this, he would always come to my office, he would always call, text or email me. Prior to this, we would always see each other at some point. But now... it went from everything to nothing. Sure, it had only been three days and I shouldn't be this fucking hurt over it, especially when I wanted to burn his hair down almost two months ago, but he became someone constant in my life and I didn't have very many people like that.

Sure, family was there, but I didn't see them every other or every day. I had no friends, either. I had my employees though, and I guess that was one of the many reasons why I loved working so much. I might have been locked away in my office for the most part, but I always had people coming in, familiar faces, voices surrounded me every day. It was nice.

Over time, Harry became one of those constant people and it very much seemed like three days without him were enough to make me feel the impact of that.