From Sam to Lexi

A Letter From Sam and Buddy

December, the 19th

Dear Lexi,

If you’re wondering, I guess I could say I’m doing okay. The therapist has been doing a great job with me in the last few days. He often tells me that he thinks you might actually be very happy the way you are now. It’s a bit comforting to just think about that, you know? If you are happy, then I guess I have no reason to be sad at all, right? I mean, that doesn’t mean I’m going to stop missing you or wishing you were here when I think the world is just too much too handle. I do still miss you. And I’m actually kind of afraid that I won’t ever really- stop missing you.

But life goes on, right? That is something the therapist often tells me, as well. He thinks I should hang out with other people, perhaps going out with another girl, and stuff. But- is it weird that when I think about going out with a girl in that kind of way, I still think that doing so would be cheating on you? I know we’re not physically together anymore, but my heart still belongs with you. It’s a bit weird to think that someone might ever take your place in it. Maybe I don’t even want to give my heart away like that. I guess it’s still too soon anyways. We can’t just replace people like we replace a car’s tire, and the question isn’t even how hard it might be to replace, but how hard it is to let go of all the feelings we have attached to the other person.

But I did get something that may give me the affection I need sometimes. A couple of days ago, after leaving the therapist’s room, I decided to visit a place I hadn’t visited since I was about 8 years old. The pet store. I remember you used to tell me you would adore having a four-legged buddy here at home, and I never really got along with the idea… but now I realized I really needed it.

At first when I walked past the store, I just stopped to peek through the glass at the inside to see if any of the animals would catch my attention before I walked in. I saw cats, rabbits, hamsters and turtles, but as people always say, the dog is a Man’s best friend, and a little golden-yellow four-legged puppy was the one that made me stare for a couple of seconds and decide to go in and take a closer look.

All I had been able to see from the angle I was looking when I peeked through the glass outside was this little furry muzzle with a sweaty nose, that was actually pretty similar to a black olive, and these tiny and shiny puppy eyes peeking from the inside of his kennel; but when I went inside and squatted down in front of the glass that wouldn’t let anyone touch him, he subtly moved his head forward, almost in a shy way of asking if I was the one who was going to take him away from there.

And guess what: I did. I brought him home and named him Buddy. I know it’s not a really original name, but I thought that once his purpose was to be my buddy, then why not name him that? I never was pretty good at naming anything anyways; I believe you remember me telling you about my family’s old German Shepherd, whom I named Rex.

And he’s actually being a good buddy so far. He’s still a bit shy with me, but I believe that will pass. I can’t wait until he’s bigger so I can get up earlier and go jogging with him or something, because at the moment he’s just a baby. But it’s funny, earlier today I had left my shoes on the chair, and the laces were hanging down halfway to the floor, and I found Buddy playing with them, lifting up his furry little paws up high, trying to catch the laces. Kind of made me laugh there for a bit. Right now he’s curled up lying on my pillow, sleeping soundly; Funny how suddenly the house feels less empty with Buddy here.

Anyways, Christmas is coming, and I really want to get you a present. I probably will, but I don’t know if I’ll be able to leave it at your new house just yet. But I’ll write you a letter on Christmas Day at least, I promise.

Love,

Sam