Anniversary Letter

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November, the 16th

Dear Lexi,

I can’t believe I waited so long to start writing down my feelings. The thought of you being away is actually starting to get unbearable; I used to wake up to your beautiful face and kiss the tiny tip of your nose for you to wake up, laughing when you grimaced because you didn’t know what had just touched you. You used to squint your eyes, clearly still sleepy, and when you realized it was me, you’d smile and snuggle closer to me, resting your head on my chest and snoozing for a couple more minutes until the alarm clock finally went off. But now when I open my eyes, all I see is an empty bedside and a pillow that once held your face which I used to wake up to every morning.

Sometimes I ask myself if you’re better off this way. Because I can tell you I’m not.

I don’t know if you noticed, but today would be our two-years and a half anniversary. I know I used to say that anniversaries were for eleven year-olds, but you always liked the idea of spending the day differently, celebrating the time we’ve spent together by spending more time together, so… I don’t know. Maybe I should have given importance to that, because looking at it objectively, I really miss the days we’d do really coupley things, like going to the movies, or taking a walk in the park or taking you to the mall… Now that I think about it, you never really were one of those women that take forever to pick something to buy, and I never was one of those men that refuse to enter the shops and just stand outside, waiting to their girlfriends, grumbling and mumbling about how they take so much time… We actually used to go in together and look at everything and decide what to buy. I still remember the shy smile on your lips when I used to tell you, “Go try this one, it brings out the green of your eyes,” and when I used to let you know that you looked beautiful in everything you tried on.

We’d probably be doing this kind of stuff today, if you hadn’t- left me.

If I knew what was going to happen, maybe I had done more things with you. Maybe I would have been more romantic. Maybe I would have paid more attention to you. Maybe I would have brought you breakfast to bed more often.

I know that remembering and regretting won’t solve anything; Neither will it bring you back to me anyways, but- I really wish you were here with me, today.

Love,

Sam

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