From Sam to Lexi

New Year's Letter

AUTHOR'S NOTE

I made a trailer for this story! :D

Check it out on the sidebar, it only took me the whole afternoon haha :')

I hope you like it, and , oh! Thank you so much, everyone, for the amazing support you've given me! I really appreciate it! I love you all ♥

xXx

January, the 10th

Dear Lexi,

So it’s been almost a month since I last wrote you. I don’t know if you wonder how I’ve been doing, but I have quite a lot to tell you in this letter;

I hope you remember me telling you on the last letter that I would visit my family on New Year’s Eve. I did. My mom spent the night hugging and comforting me, telling me that what happened between me and you hadn’t been my fault, which I didn’t understand, I thought she had gotten over that matter already. And it didn’t help at all with the process I’ve been doing with the therapist lately either, because it only made me think even more about you. You know, this would’ve been our third New Year’s Eve, that we’d be spending leaning over the window parapet, whispering the countdown until it was midnight, and then I’d kiss you and we’d watch the fireworks and make promises for the next year around…

Anyways, I have started this year differently; like I also told you on the last letter, on Christmas me and my parents traded presents through mail. And I was fairly surprised, I must say, when I found a book on my mail box, from my sister. As you know really well, because I barely have any shelves here at home, and the ones I do have, are still filled with your books, I am not a reader. At all. I don’t think I’ve read a single book since college, and my sister also knows that, that’s why I found it so strange. Even the subject was weird. But you know what? After maybe a couple of days, I realized that if she had sent me the book even knowing I don’t read much, then it meant that she was trying to send me a message, by compelling me to read it. And I am quite proud of myself that I started reading it and was able to understand and finish in only a couple of weeks.

Did I ever tell you about the theory of the Multiverse? It states that there is an infinity of universes parallel to ours that contain every single set of possibilities. That means that, somewhere, in another world, that 9th of May never existed; we never had that argument that changed everything, I never said all those words I didn’t mean, and you’re probably still a part of my life- there. I think it’s kind of comforting to know that somewhere, in some other place where we’ll never be able to reach, another version of us is living a life where everything is in the right place. I- I just wish it was this version of me that would be living that perfect life.

You know how they always say ‘Oh, you’ll find someone else. There’s plenty of fish in the sea.’ Well I feel like a damn fish in a bucket. And if the world is really our oyster like they say, how can anyone say if the pearl they’ve been keeping for so long is the right one or just a fake? I can tell you, since that rainy afternoon when we met on the train station, I’ve always seen you like my perfect shiny pearl. I was the richest man in the world while I had you; it’s hauntingly amazing how in a moment, someone who had it all is left with nothing. And that nothing is actually what hurts the most, because everything is just- empty. You have nothing to take care of and nothing to achieve. It’s like you’re drifting, and all you can do is wait for the day whether you’ll land on a beautiful beach or get eaten by a shark. You’re submissive to life and it’s scary, because you don’t know what to expect. And all you do is hope it will take you somewhere, but it’s also true that it might not take you anywhere at all. Sometimes all I really want to do is leave everything behind and go see you.

Either way, I don’t think I’ve said this yet, happy New Year Lexi.

PS. Buddy is becoming a big boy now!

Love,

Sam