From Sam to Lexi

A Letter After a While

February, the 16th

Dear Lexi,

Well it seems that lately there have been quite larger time spans between each letter I write you, which makes me realize that maybe I am actually starting to overcome this- process of letting you, internally.

I’m just writing this to tell you that Buddy has really grown up a lot and he’s not just a puppy anymore. When I brought him home back in December, he was six months old, and really tiny, but it seems that the last two months were his ticket up to adulthood, because he’s changed a lot. He’s still not fully grown, but now he’s capable of running for much longer and without getting as tired as he usually did; so every time I have the chance, I’ll wake up earlier and jogging for a bit before going to work. The therapist enjoyed the idea so much, and he even told me himself that by only doing this, my whole condition changed drastically. Even I think that since I brought Buddy home I’ve been a little happier.

Guess it was just meant to be, right?

But back to the subject, there is also one other thing that Buddy brought into my life besides a little bit of happiness and company.

A couple weeks ago or so, when I started jogging early by the morning with him, I must have got a bit distracted with controlling my breathing and suddenly felt Buddy’s leash get stuck, like he had stopped; It was then when I noticed he not only had stopped, but was sniffing another dog, a female one, which belonged to a woman whose clothes clearly reported her as a jogger like me. As it would be predictable that Buddy’s intentions towards the smaller, female dog weren’t at all innocent, as a grown dog he had become, I pulled him back and away from her and awkwardly apologized to the woman, who replied back with a clumsy smile.

Apart from this awkward event, every morning that I went jogging with Buddy, we’d cross paths with that woman and her dog. As Buddy always seemed so interested on the dog, me and the woman decided to sometimes sit on the park and let the dogs run around, having fun.

So while we were sitting she told me her name, Judy, and some other things about her life, and I told her about my life as well; sometimes she smiles at me in a strange way. Kind of like when I and you met, and almost everything I’d say would make you smile, she sometimes just randomly looks down at the ground and smiles. And if I ask her what that is about, she’ll just reply ‘Nothing.’

And don’t get me wrong, she’s a nice girl, but- different. She’s almost the opposite of you; her eyes are brown unlike your green ones, and her hair is light and straight, opposite to your dark brown and untamed curly hair.

Plus, Valentine’s Day was just a couple days ago and she asked me if I wanted to hang out with her, but I honestly freaked out and told her I had to stay late for work on that day.

And maybe this is life offering me a way out, but I find it really confusing right now. What if Judy is interested in me while all I can still do is think about you? It wouldn’t be fair to just play games like that. It wouldn’t be honest either to give it a go and try something, only to end up breaking her heart when the only thing on my mind would be you.

I was hoping that perhaps you’d give me a hint on this… What should I do? Well it’s way obvious that if you wanted to talk to me you’d do it already. I wish you all the best, though. Please do the same for me?

Love,

Sam