Blue Rose Petals (Shizaya)

Izaya's Rose

There it was again. The flea's disgusting smell. Shizuo noticed Izaya's scent in the air. "It stinks! That flea must be somewhere near." Tom looked at him and decided to let him go, seeing no benefit in making him stay while he was that pissed off. They finished their job in Shinjuku already anyways and were about to go back to Ikebukuro. "You can go Shizuo. Just try not to destroy the city, alright?" "Thanks."

And so Shizuo followed the smell. "Kill, kill, kill...", he muttered as he got closer to the source of the stinking smell. Then for a second he stopped as he heard soft sobs coming from around the corner. He stepped closer, hesitantly taking a look at the person in the shadows. Shizuo couldn't see who the person was and decided to wait it out a bit. "S-stop...shut...up.", he heard a familiar voice mumble. But who's voice was that? Why did it sound so familiar? 'Wait a sec. That's where the smell comes from! Flea?' He still didn't come closer, waiting for the right opportunity to step in. Izaya started crying harder and then Shizuo saw Izaya holding his knife, which reflected the light and then right when Izaya held it again his chest, Shizuo jumped in. He grabbed Izaya's hand making him drop the blade. "What was that, flea!?" Izaya seemed to still recover from the sudden appearance of the blond and suddenly got a hiccup. "Sh-Shizu...ch-an?" He was in tears, his eyes puffy, scared and glassy. His sleeve was soaked in blood, painting the usually white fur red. "What were you thinking!? Why would you do that? And the fuck is with your arm?! Were you cutting yourself again?! What is wrong with you?!", Shizuo yelled in rage, making the raven feel small and even weaker and more helpless. "I-I don't know....I-I couldn't help it...I-argh!" The raven winced and fell on his side as he was hardly slapped across his face. He was so scared. He felt like he was back in his childhood and Shizuo was his dad. He tried his best to push away those painful memories as he shut his eyes. Izaya's cheek started bleeding, the soft skin being scratched. It was burning so painfully and the raven cried harder, not daring to look up and trembling in fear. Shizuo gasped in shock at his own action, hoping that he didn't break Izaya's jaw with his strength and when he wanted to look at Izaya, the raven cried out: "D-don't hurt me...please." He carefully pulled Izaya into a sitting position and rubbed his back softly. He looked at Izaya's cheek, seeing the scratch as guilt filled him up. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you." The raven was too scared to say anything and just nodded, not wanting to make the blond angry. Shizuo took a deep breath. "Hey, don't be scared, okay? Why did you try to kill yourself, Izaya?", he mumbled as softly as he could, forcing Izaya to make eye contact with him. "I-I...don't have the strength to live anymore. I can't...can't hold on any longer." Izaya was still trembling and his voice was quiet and hoarse. Shizuo pulled Izaya into his arms to show him that he's not alone. "Izaya, never do something like that ever again." Right before Izaya was about to hug back, he pushed Shizuo away and faked his usual smirk with the last bit of self-control he had. "You really thought I would kill myself? It's so easy to trick you Shizu-chan~" The blond was in shock, not expecting the sudden change in the raven's mood. "What?" Izaya rolled his eyes: "This was all a game, nothing more. You're such an idiot." Shizuo was about to get mad again, but couldn't miss the pain in Izaya's eyes, showing him that he was lying and it wasn't a game after all. The mask he put on this time was cracked and almost see-through. "Liar. Your arm is bleeding for no reason or what? You mean to say those tears were faked? Why are you doing this?" Shaky legs barely supported Izaya when he stood up, taking his blade with him. "I'm not lying brute. Leave me alone. I have better things to do than waste my precious time with you~" The blond gave up, knowing that Izaya wouldn't tell the truth no matter what. "Just so you know, if you need someone to talk to, you know where to find me.", he said and walked away, leaving Izaya confused.

The raven ran back home as his thoughts went wild inside his head. 'Shizu-chan saved me from myself.' But soon enough he would repeat and he would probably not be around anymore. That brute was so unpredictable. Who would've thought that exactly today he'd be in Shinjuku and would find him right before it'd be the end for him. At the same time he was mad at him for making him live longer in this painful world and for slapping him, but also he felt a bit happy and confused of Shizuo's care. He almost gave into his desire, into the warmth of the blond's hug. He'd never receive the so longed love of Shizuo, it just wasn't meant to be. The blond was too good for him, he was not worth someone like him. Shizuo deserved someone better than a flea. His heart was unreachable for him, impossible to win. Izaya's whole being existed and continued to live only because of one reason - Shizuo. His heart beating with ony one unthinkable purpose. Only his smile brought him happiness as he watched him from far. He continued to breathe this whole time only for him, for the desired wish that could never be fulfilled. He continued running and running before he finally reached his home.

Izaya looked at the vase on his desk. In the vase was a rose, a blue one. He adored blue roses. Izaya examined every millimeter of every petal of the plant, enjoying the depth of the royal color. A blue rose represented his love, represented Shizuo for him. Beautiful, yet was still a reminder that he was a fantasy, just a dream for Izaya. That's why he placed the plant right where he could always see it, making it feel as if the blond's presence was always there and reminding him not to hope for impossible happiness. "The blue rose~ A symbol of things desired yet unthinkable. I think it fits well as your love Shizu-chan is something I can never have~", he mumbled through tears. "I can't have you but I can't stop thinking about you" His head bumped on the desk in emotional defeat.

'Shizuo probably stopped me from killing himself because he has a way too good heart, nothing more', he thought to himself. Or because he wanted to kill Izaya himself. Either of those options showed even more that Shizuo didn't intend to help him out of care or love. Izaya reassured himself that the blond really didn't think of him as nothing more than a flea. "Shizu-chan why does it hurt so much? Why can't you let my heart go?" Izaya sobbed into his hands loudly, letting all his tears out. "Why can't I just disappear? Would be better for everyone." He hissed as he accidentally touched his scarred cheek. "This brute is so violent. He should be more careful!", he resented with a little annoyance in his voice before sighing deeply.

How pathetic. How could he have shown his real, weak self in front of that protozoan? Many years of hiding, pretending all for nothing. All his effort put to waste in just one moment. It was too late to say it's a game. It was way too obvious that he was lying. Izaya let out a chuckle, which then turned into psychotic laughter and seconds after into painful sobs. Shizuo probably laughed at how weak he really was, how broken.

A petal of the rose then fell on the desk and Izaya's elegantly long fingers picked it up as he held it up to his lips, placing a soft kiss on it. "I love you Shizu-chan. Please never stop hating me 'cause without you I'm left with nothing." He at least had the blond's hate, if he couldn't have any more than that and that was already enough for him...~

A few days passed since Shizuo last met Izaya. He couldn't get the image of Izaya holding his knife against his heart out of his mind. How did Izaya fall this deep? Was he lonely? Should he worry or just forget everything? No matter how much he told himself not to think of the trashy flea he couldn't help but be very worried. What if he tries again? Maybe he should pay him a visit? Now that he thought about it, it seemed Izaya got thinner...a LOT thinner. Izaya dead...he couldn't accept this frightening thought. Not seeing him going around town and annoying him with his usual teasing and a smirk on his face, not being called Shizu-chan anymore...all this seemed like a dream for him just a few days ago, but now that he imagined it his heart ached. The blond took a drag in on his third cigarette, still not able to sort things out in his head. This damn flea was causing too much stress for him! "That's it flea! I'm coming!", he said as he crashed the cigarette between his fingers.