Bad neighbor

Lonely

I woke up, feeling the other side of the bed for him, but he was gone. All that lay on his half of the bed, was air, trapped in between cold sheets that signified that he'd left a long time ago.

His presence was one that I'd grown accustomed to since arriving. Being around him could at times be painful, but his absence brought a stronger sense of loneliness and melancholy than his presence ever could.

Maybe that was due to the fact that I was falling in love with him, or maybe it was the huge house with a lack of people and liveliness inside that caused me to crave his presence, but either way, being with him was better than being alone.

I felt trapped, like a bird in a metal cage, with small and complex bars that made it impossible to escape. I longed for his love and craved his affection, but it seemed the only time I would be able to get that from him was at night, when he held me against his warm body to fall asleep.

I missed him, desperately. I couldn't bring myself to tell him. I would try, almost everyday id stand by his office, debating if I should knock On the door. I couldn't just barge in, who knows what kind of "punishment" I'd receive.

I wanted to let him know that I wanted him to stay with me longer, that I didn't want to only see him during the night time when he's coming into the bedroom. I wanted to tell him that I loved him and the moments we spent together but
I could no longer express my feelings of love without reservation or hesitation.

Every time I even thought about telling Calix about how I felt, I would be consumed with fear.

The fear of rejection, the fear of betrayal. The fear that I'd put all my time and energy into yet another relationship, only to be hurt again, but by a different man.

I would become another victim of a broken heart. Calix didn't necessarily alleviate this fear, with his cold and hard heart that refused any form of love.

I got up and headed downstairs, passing his office. I stopped momentarily, deciding it would be best If i didn't try.

I walked Into the kitchen, seeing, to my surprise, Calix. This had been the first time in weeks I'd seen him in the morning.

He sat at the table, eating his cheesy scrambled eggs, with sausage and toast. Feeling my presence, he looked up from his food and searched for me.

I fought the urge to run out of the kitchen and hide as his beautiful green eyes raked over my body, leaving me feel self conscious and vulnerable. It had felt like forever since we'd last seen each other in good lighting.

As he stared at me, I fidgeted to try and alleviate my discomfort. I had just woken up and was still in my pajamas. I most likely looked like a mess with lifeless eyes and messy hair.

He finished taking me in and gave me a bright and boyish smile that reached his eyes. "Hey! Come and have a seat."

Instantly, a huge smile appeared on my face. His words made all of my loneliness and melancholy melt away, and diffuse into more positive thoughts.

What if he missed me as much as I missed him? If he missed me, does that mean he's in love with me?

I quickly grabbed a seat at the table, sitting across from him. "I missed you too Calix" the words jumped out of my mouth. He chuckled softly at my enthusiasm. "I made some breakfast for us, do you want some?"

"Yes please" He smiled softly at me and got up, fixing me a plate. "Is work still hectic?" I chose my words carefully, wanting to make sure his good mood lasted, at least long enough for me to enjoy my time with him.

"Well, I had to do some," he hesitated for a moment, momentarily getting a serious look on his face, "I guess you could say damage control, and now that the problem is dealt with I have a lot more free time on my hands." As he brought my plate to me, I stared at him in disbelief.

"Are you serious?"

"Completely, But today I do have an event to attend. Would you like to come?"

I instantly replied with an enthusiastic "Can I really?" A warm smile played on his lips. He nodded, "Of course." I sat there and ate as he watched me intently, focussing on my lips.

"Let's go swimming together after you're done." I nodded my head and gave him a thumbs with my free hand as I chewed my eggs.