saving serena , finnick odair (ON HOLD)

chapter eight

The cool and mucky air of the Capitol flows through Serena's throat like water through a sewage system. Although a stark contrast to the stuffy air inside, it's still not nearly as clean as the air at her home, District 4. There, you can taste the salt on your tongue and smell the palm trees that sway softly in the breeze. The crisp wind feels cool yet inviting in the morning and leads you down to the ocean that beckons for your toes to wriggle in the sand.

"As nice as it is, the Capitol is not half as beautiful as our home." Serena speaks up to Finnick. They both sit quietly on the balcony after their showers, gazing at the Capitol lights that shine so bright that they drown out the stars. With the change in air and clothes combined, Serena's dizziness has finally subsided and she's relieved to feel something close to relaxation.

"I agree." Finnick mutters. Neither one of them look at each other as they are both so entranced by the view. "One thing I never miss, though, is finding sand absolutely everywhere." He says lightly. She smiles fondly at the memory, sand in between her toes that is never washed away by a bath so end up in her bed sheets.

"How come you are here so often, then?" It's a question he hadn't expected her to ask and hadn't prepared an answer for. Finnick has no choice but to lie but he struggles to do even that.

"Sometimes it's not my choice. Most times, really. I'd love it if I never had to take step in this city again. But I always have business to attend to." He replies. Serena knows there's some sort of hidden message within the explanation, but combined with her newly developing feelings and uncontrollable spite towards Finnick, she dismisses the self-pitying tone.

"Business being the women of the Capitol?" She can't help uttering the words and immediately feels guilt course through her body as the words tumble into the air. She tries to grab them back with invisible hands but they just flow through the gaps in her fingers, defiant on hurting the man next to her. However, when she finally brings her eyes to him, Finnick looks as if he knew it was coming.

"Yes. And no. It's difficult to explain."

"Not really. It's a well known fact you have sex with at least 5 women every time you come here. What more is there to explain?" Serena's guilt subsides as quick as it came. Finnick's statement rattles her. Why string the words together in a way that seems defensive to him and just confuses Serena more? Something as simple as taking a woman to bed can not be difficult to explain.

Strangely, something inside Serena screams at her to hold her tongue and just listen, pretend to understand or at least comfort a man who is clearly being broken apart bit by bit. By what, Serena isn't sure.

"And why does that matter?" He pushes and he finally turns his head to look at her. The sea-green eyes burn into hers and pressure her to just let it out.

"Does it not bother you that you lose track of them all? Surely with so many you'll never understand who you truly love. And no one will ever know if they love you. Don't you want to know what that feels like?" Serena asks. She's not sure if she's asking for her own heart or if she's genuinely trying to point something out to Finnick that he's blindly forgotten.

"It's not that simple!" He's starting to defend himself, unsure of what else to do.

"The way you treat women..." She whispers to herself. Her mind is painfully twisting and turning to try and ring out any sort of supportive comment for Finnick. There's nothing. Not one reason why what he does is acceptable. Until he mutters the next sentence.

"Has it not occurred to you that they might want it more than me?" Everything inside Serena stops as she scans his face. It holds the similar pained expression he wore last night at dinner just before she openly called him disgusting. A word that seems way too powerful and accusation after this talk.