Schizophrenic Sister

Chapter 19

“Kinli.”

I immediately tensed up, taking a few seconds to regather my thoughts before walking toward him, pulling out the chair, and sitting down.

“Are your mom and brothers not going to be in here with you? I assumed they would…” He said, his voice trialing off after I refused to answer. We just stared at each other for a few moments, and I tried to take in everything I could.

He had definitely aged, but not drastically. He had the same hair, the same face, for the most part - what had changed was his eyes. They used to be very harsh, a little bit demonic. Now they just looked tired. There were bags underneath them, and lines and wrinkles surrounding them. He looked very, very tired.

He finally dropped the gaze we had been holding, looking down at his hands and sighing. “Where do I begin…” He said softly under his breath, and with a sudden burst of courage I said “Why would you do that to me?”

He sighed, now refusing to look at me, before he began.

“You’ve got a lot of time to think in here Kinli. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking for the past 6 years. For the first 3 or 4 years I was in here, I despised you just like I always had. But then about 2 years ago, one of the guys in here was talking about his 7 year old, and how all he wanted to do was get out to see her. He asked me if I had any kids, and I said yes. I know I don’t really, and I quickly corrected myself, which prompted him to ask me to explain. I started telling him about you and your brothers, how much I despised you. How you were the reason I was in here. He didn’t say much after I finished, and then he asked me what my reason was. I asked him what reason he was talking about, and he asked for the reason I hated you so much. And you wanna know something? I couldn’t tell him. I had gotten so caught up in hating you that I had forgotten why I started hating you in the first place. So I spent the next year, year and a half thinking about it, trying to plan out what I would say to you if I could. And here it is - I don’t think I ever hated you. I married your mother for her money, because I worked my ass of for my whole life and I still couldn’t make a decent life for myself. I didn’t love your mother, but I needed the money, the importance. And the fact that you, at the ripe age of 3, had everything you could ever dream of…a family who loved you, every opportunity you could possibly ever imagine, all just handed to you at birth…I wanted you to feel a fraction of the pain I felt. I had always been so depressed…and with the alchohol…it just spun so far out of control, and I am so so sorry.”

He had tears rolling down his face, completely opposite to my stone hard, dead faced expression.

“You took everything from me. I am too afraid to go to school, to let anyone into my life, because I am afraid of another person like you walking into it. You didn’t just give me a little taste of a harder life, you drowned me in it. And I don’t believe you. I don’t want you to ever get out of this prison just because you made up some cruddy apology speech, and I want you to rot in here. The entire failure that is my life is all your fault and I will always hate you for it.”

I said, allowing one tear to roll down my cheek. 

“Please accept my apology Kinli, I need this.” he begged, and I yelled back “You are such a loser! Do you want this for me, or do you want this for you?!”

Then I abruptly stood up, completely questioning if he was lying or not but knowing I wouldn’t be able to hold in the tears for much longer, and he said “I want it for you, I really do. If nothing else, please believe me. It wasn’t your fault, what happened, it was mine. Please don’t let this continue to dominate your life. Please try to move on.”

I started to let more tears run down my cheeks, and I cried “I hate you. And nothing you can say will ever change that.” And with that I made a beeline, for the door, opening as quickly as I could and slamming it behind me. I took a deep breath before glancing up to see my worried family, along with 5 or 6 workers, staring back at me in disbelief.

“What happened? Are you ok?” Harry said, rushing over to give me a hug, and I said “I don’t know.” As another tear rolled down my cheek. “What do you mean you don’t know? What did he say Bell?” My mom asked, kneeling down beside me, and I said “I don’t want to talk about it.”

They tried to object, but I said “No. It’s between me and him.” 

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Tada! Thank you so much for commenting and voting and reading and all that jazz, makes me soooo happy :) Hope you like it, if you have any suggestions feel free, and I'll try to update tomorrow! (If not tomorrow it'll be next weekend, school gets suuuuper busy during the week - ap calc and ap environmental are not fun :( ) And I'll post the first chapter about Hadley soon! Thankssssss!

bell