Schizophrenic Sister

Chapter 20

A FEW MONTHS LATER

I woke up to the sound of my beeping alarm clock, and my the butterflies in my stomach from the previous night immediately resumed. Today was the biggest day of my life - the first day of school. Ever.

I know, shock. I’m going to SCHOOL. Like, a real public school. After I went to go see my dad, I had one of the roughest weeks of my life. My mom and my brothers and Nathan were constantly trying to get what he said to me out of me, and I cried for a lot of the week.

I was so confused - I didn’t plan on forgiving my dad, but what he told me was more or less the best apology he could have given me. And he didn’t get anything out of it - I got my mom to check on that. And then I double checked it to make sure she didn’t lie. But my entire life was centered around being afraid and being shy and being introverted. How could I just immediately come out of my shell, be normal, just like that?

I asked Harry that while lying on his chest in my room one night at 2 AM, crying, and as he stroked my hair he said “You don’t have to change your life, but you could just try to be happy.”

That was the last thing either of us said before drifting off to sleep, and when I woke up the next morning I just sat up and decided I was sick of crying, and sick of hating myself, and sick of being sad. My meeting with my dad was proof that I didn’t deserve any of this - this is my life. I went to gymnastics with a smile on my face, and I stayed after to hang out with my friends, laughing the whole time. I went home and my brothers friends were over, and I suggested we play soccer out back. We ended up having a bonfire too, and it was actually a lot of fun.

I mean, it’s not like my problems went away in an instant. I was still major self concious, and I will admit, I was having doubts about my dad, and I was having flashbacks to the therapist incident too. I was still bipolar, I still have schizophrenia and PTSD, and I still take all the medications.

But I kept on going to see my therapist, and I kept on just trying to remind myself that I had a lot to live for and be happy about, and about a month ago I was doing so well that Nathan decided to go to my brothers and suggest my going to school. Nathan is 2 years and one month older than me, but I was a little over 2 years ahead on my schooling, and 3 on math, so I could go into the same grade as him, and he could watch out for me. Nathan had to do some serious convincing, but when my brothers finally agreed, they went to my mom and then they all came to me. 

“Kinli, this will be really good for you. I really think you should consider it.” My mom had told me, and Nathan said “And you’ll start in my grade, so I can be with you the whole time.” They all looked extremely nervous, but I shocked them and simply nodded my head yes.

I started getting super excited, then super nervous, then super excited, and then super nervous again almost immediately after. I mean, going to a real school would be the first step in my becoming a normal kid. But some people recognized me from ‘spottings’ with my brothers, and there would no doubtely be a lot of questions about my age and why I had been homeschooled for forever and why I was just now coming out.

When I expressed these fears to Justin, him and I sat down together and talked through every single thing anyone could ask me, and we came up with good answers that fit for all of them. We were at it for the better portion of that day, and Justin skipped going down to the studio the second I asked him about the subject. We spent the rest of that day together.

Another day I told Harry and Josh about how I didn’t even know anything about high school, and what was I getting myself into, and they promptly invited over all of their friends who hadn’t been ’discovered’ before high school, and who were thus present for at least some of it. I asked them questions for hours, and they told me all about the annoying teachers and the stupid assignments, and having to spring from one end of the building to the other.

But they also told me about the football games, and the crazy fun lunch periods, and the school dances. Following the story Joe Jonas told about having to sprint from the trailer to the third floor everyday for a year made me anxious to walk my schedule, so Harry and Nathan went with my on one of the teacher workdays and we walked from first period English to second period AP Chemistry, from third period AP Calculus to fourth period Dance I.

After this, Nathan asked me if I wanted to go with him to his friend Haley’s house for a potluck. Harry encouraged me, and so I nervously went with him to meet the majority of his school friends. It was one of the bigger steps I’ve ever taken, and Nathan told me afterwards that he was so proud of me, and that he could tell his friends loved me. I had hung out with a few of them other times since, and I was actually becoming pretty good friends with them, which would be one less thing I would have to worry about on the first day.

Yesterday was soooo long. My brothers and all of their friends were around, and Nathan came over to help me get my backpack and stuff ready, and then he ended up hanging out with everyone. We watched some movies (one of which I fell asleep in Josh’s arms during - that shit was boring!) and it helped distract me from the thoughts that had been circling my head - sure I had made crazy progress in the past few months, but was I really ready for a total life transformation? Was I going to be able to go from only speaking to my immediate family and 5 gymnastics friends to seeing 500 people at school everyday? I wasn’t sure, but ready or not here school came. The day had arrived, and that day was today.

I slowly climbed out of bed and walked over windowseat that my outfit was laid out on. I had gone through pretty much every outfit in my closet before deciding on a black and white striped tanktop, some jean shorts, and my Chloe Lauren ballerina flats. I didn’t want to draw too much attention to myself by wearing any of my obvious designer stuff, because I did have quite a few flashy pieces, but I also didn’t want to draw negative attention to my cliche ‘trying not to draw attention to myself’ jeans and a t-shirt look.

I may or may not have spent the better portion of a week contemplating this.

I’m usually big on accessorizing, but today I just put on some gold pyramid studs and changed my phone case to a Kate Spade black and white music note snap on, before slinging my blue and brown leather canvas backpack on my back.

My makeup was easy - I don’t wear any actual makeup makeup, because I was completely blessed with good skin, but I did put on my usual mascara and eyeliner. I decided to leave my curly red hair as it was, but I did clip one twisted strand back to make it look like I did something. Taking one final look at myself in the mirror, I took a breath and went downstairs.

My brothers were all up, along with Niall and Demi, and my mom was making breakfast. “There she is!” My mom beamed, and everyone looked at me. I gave a nervous smile, sitting down between Niall and Zac at the table, and Zac wrapped his arm around me and said “Todays the day! You ready?” I nodded nervously, suddenly very aware of the fact that I was shaking like a leaf.

After we ate breakfast mom made the boys and I take ‘first day of school’ pictures on the front porch like she used to do when she was a kid, since I was the first Brooke kid to have a first day of school. Then Nathan pulled up in his jeep, ready to take me. “You’ll be fine.” Channing said, and Zac said “You’ll be better than fine. You’ll do great.” Giving me a huge hug. I gave another nervous half smile, and Harry gave me one last hug before I got into Nate’s car. I stared at them in the mirror until they dissappeared around the turn.

“You ready?” Nathan asked - a stereotypical question for the first day of school. A very normal thing to ask a very normal kid. I looked over at him, a smile on my face, and answered very simply. 

“Yeah. I’m ready.” 

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THE END! probably weren't expecting that, were ya! so this is finished for now, and by for now I mean until further notice? I have 'ended' stuff before, but I usually will get a new idea and go add more on, so I'll be sure to post something if I do that (and, knowing me, give it a few months and I probably will). Idk if I'd put that as a new story or add onto this one...anyway I'll post the first chapter of the story about Hadley either tomorrow or next weekend (prob tomorrow though because I already wrote a lot of the beginning). so...yeah! hope you liked reading this, I loved writing it!

bell:)