Thinking.(Naruto)

Chapter Eighteen

Hello again, I posted sooner than I thought I would, as for my last authors note I did get a couple suggestions on what to do, I appreciate that. What would you guys like to see more? A Reader x Naruto (or maybe Gaara or Sasuke), or would you prefer a Sasuke x Naruto x Gaara love triangle? Who knows let me know cause I like either idea, anyways get on to the story, enjoy!

Naruto says he's perfectly fine, Shikamaru doesn't buy it. Bull shit! "Naruto I can tell you're lying! Please talk to us, we are your friends! Stop trying to shut us out!" Shikamaru is screaming, begging Naruto to come clean. Naruto's heart drops. He's never in his life seen Shikamaru so upset like this, and he never would have imagined that he would. There's a lump in Naruto's throat, he can't breathe."Shikamaru-", Naruto starts. "I'm sorry I just- Its just that right now there is a lot going on and I can't loose you guys. I cant loose anyone else," his voice is hoarse and his body trembles like a leaf. "Who have you lost this year Naruto? I'm still here, Neji's still here, so is Choji, and Sasuke. No one has left you and I promise that we will not leave you, no matter what it is that is going on we will stay right by your side." Shikamaru is staring at Naruto with worry. "Please talk to us," Neji says reaching forwards to place a comforting hand on Naruto's shoulder. Naruto looks at Neji in shock, he never expected Neji to be so kind to him, and now he had no idea what to expect. Quietly they all stare at him, and Choji looks at him and smiles encouragingly. Naruto feels like it might all come out, he feels like his heart will burst from his chest and everything that's so badly hurting him inside might slip out and he desperately tries to fight it.

He starts crying. The first tears slide down his face and when he realizes it a shaky gasp comes out of his mouth followed by a half sob half laugh. scrubbing angrily at his eyes he tries to make the tears stop but they just won't. God this is embarrassing, he's so useless, so disgusting. Sob after sob escapes his chapped lips and suddenly he feels Sasuke's soft embrace pulling him into a hug and his hands rubbing circles on his back in an attempt to calm him down a little. Shikamaru , Neji and Choji watch in worry. How did they not see this? Naruto looked so fragile right now, like the wrong words might send him into a state of tears, or the slightest touch might break his heart. It takes a moment but Sasuke is able to calm Naruto down enough for him to speak. The first thing that leaves his mouth is a shaky laugh. "Sorry about that," he whispers, avoiding eye contact. "Its okay, just take your time." Is all Neji says. The room is silent, and Naruto finally looks at them with a soft sad smile on his face. "Things have been so hard lately, so hard...." he whispers. "My apartment was broken into but even before that things were getting rough." "I haven't been sleeping good lately , and before I started staying here things started to go downhill." Naruto looks away from their gazes once again in shame. Shame that he is not good enough, shame that he will never amount to anything.

"I've felt so alone, everything that I've become, everything I do is just messed up, I cant do anything right." A bitter laugh escapes his lips. "I have so much and yet I am so ungrateful , its so sick. I have so many people who love me, so many people who care about me, and yet I'm here whining and bitching like a little girl. I have so much more than a lot of people out in this world and yet I am so unhappy...," Tears fill baby blue eyes, "Its disgusting." Shikamaru feels a lump form in his own throat. How could his friend talk about himself like that, how could he be so cruel to himself when he is such an amazing person. Yes sometimes Naruto is selfish, sometimes he's annoying and loud, but god he's such a good person. Naruto is selfless, and loyal, funny and weird, he brightens up everyone's day on the worst days so he wont sit here and let this person in Naruto's body talk badly about him. Angrily Shikamaru grips at his shirt. "Shut your mouth." He snarls dangerously. Naruto's eyes widen in shock as do Neji, Sasuke, and Choji's. "Shikamaru-" "I said shut your fucking mouth! I won't listen to you talk shit about yourself, especially when that shit isn't true so shut your damn mouth and listen to me." Naruto's mouth is wide open as are his eyes. "I don't know who told you all this shit about yourself but its not true. You're an amazing person, you are kind and funny, your dumb sometimes but you're so smart at the same time, you're so strong and I don't know who filled your head with all this nonsense but I'm putting a stop to it right now, I wont hear it."

The rooms quiet, and all that's heard is Naruto starting to cry again. "I'm sorry." He whispers leaning down into his hands. "I'm sorry." And like that everything falls apart. Naruto breaks down and tells them. He tells them how much he's been hurting, how badly his chest hurts and how guilty he feels, he tells them how lonely he is and how he feels like everything is so hopeless. He tells them about the late nights he spends in the bathroom crying, and how many times he feels like his dreams wont ever come true and how he feels so weak compared to everyone else. He talks about how he feels like such a burden and how he didn't want to come to anyone because he didn't want them to look down on him or have pity for him, he was still the same he was just sad right now, that's all, he's not different. He's still Naruto, right? He's sure that he is. And when it comes down to it he tells him about his hidden pain.

          "I cut myself." He whispers. He's so ashamed but it comes out. It was time for it to come out. The looks of despair and pain on his friends faces hurt him, he's not sure that telling them was worth it. It was time for it to come out. A chocked sob comes from Shikamaru who breaks the silence first. "Why?" he whispers. Naruto can't answer as to why, all he knows s that this pain inside him hurts so bad. Sometimes he feels like it might never go away, like he might just always be this sad. "I'm sorry, I don't- I don't know why..." is all he can muster. "Show me." So he does. Naruto lifts Sasuke's long sleeved shirt from his body and shows them the cuts on his shoulders, and the ones on his thighs before showing them the most recent ones on his ankles. His friends feel sick to their stomachs, like their worlds are spinning and this is all just some bad dream. Naruto would never do this, Naruto never gives up... right?

                "Why would you do this to yourself?" Neji says as repetition of Shikamaru's question. Naruto smiles at them, tears rolling down his cheeks, "It just hurts inside is all."

               And so they sat there, with one another they all pulled themselves close and tried to comfort themselves into a state of stability for they knew this would be a long and painful process, but they would not give up on Naruto. Everything broken can be fixed.

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Quote of the day: " The way we choose to see the world creates the world we see", -A.

Song Recommendations to listen to with this chapter: Knuckle Puck Untitled, Figure you Out Citizen, Daylily Movements,  and Full Circle Movements.

Okay so that was the end of this chapter, I hope it wasn't too much, once again thank you all for the support and for anyone out there who feels just as lonely and sad just know that your pain is important to and you have a right to feel it, so if you ever need someone to talk to or vent to I'm here to listen.