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breaking —
it was a week later. after having that conversation with grayson, everything had just shifted. i found myself trying to avoid him most of the time.
i shouldn't be like this. i should be with him for mayson, for hadlee. but every time i look at the man i should love and call my husband, i see him with another woman.
i gripped the vacuum tightly in my hand, creating marks on the floor as my knuckles turned white. cleaning had been a habit lately. it got my mind off of how much of a mess my life was.
"this is the second time today that you've vacuumed, em. i think the floor is clean." ethan chuckled, standing in the way of my trail.
"you didn't see the crumbs of animal crackers that mayson dropped? it needs to be cleaned up in here. one mess just creates more and more." i huffed, moving away from him as i continued vacuuming.
"em, what is up with you? this isn't who i married!" he said jokingly. i stopped in my tracks, turning off the loud roar of the vacuum cleaner.
"I'M the one who's acting weird? I'M the one you didn't marry? how about we look back at that one time you CHEATED on me in another country while i was in this very house with your two kids that you LEFT to go on your fun little tour! I'M the one that's different?" i yelled, slamming the stick of the vacuum on the carpet.
"i thought a married a loyal, considerate, and honest husband that truly loved me with all of his heart and soul. but somehow when you compare someone who CHEATED and someone who VACUUMS, the one who vacuums is to blame! i'm tired of this ethan! i don't trust you any more! every moment you're away, i worry that you're off with someone else. my mental state is in pieces! you obviously don't-"
"how could you not trust me any more emerson! i've done everything i can to make up my mistake to you! i've started to rekindle a relationship with our kids, i've apologized i don't know how many times, and you don't TRUST me? you're making no sense!"
i shook my head, my eyes glossing over.
"i've tried, ethan. i've tried to forgive and forget, i've tried to love this life i have right now, i've tried to accept the situation and move on. but i can't keep living this life where whenever i see the person i'm supposed to love and cherish, i just imagine him with someone else. i mentally can't do it anymore, ethan." i said softly, feeling helpless. i thought getting it off of my chest would make me feel better, but it made me feel weak instead.
"then leave." he replied coldly. "i've done everything i possibly can for this goddamn family, but it's just never enough for you is it? one mistake, just one, and you hold onto it forever and ever. it's fucking nonsense, emerson. so please leave, especially if you don't trust me any more. LEAVE!"
he pointed his finger toward the door, staring at me coldly. a tear fell from my eye, for he had never spoken to me like this.
"i want my kids." i whispered, wiping my tear.
"they're OUR kids, and i want them." ethan battled. he just wasn't giving up. "where would you house them anyway? in a hotel room or some shit?"
"i've spent more time with these kids than you ever have, ethan. just let me have them." i argued. he could take my health, he could take my sense of love, he could take anything he wanted from my life, but he would never take my children.
"well let's have them decide then." he said, cocking his eyebrow. he called mayson into the room.
"hey may, do you want to stay with dad or go with mom?" he asked sweetly, his mood completely transforming.
mayson looked at both ethan and i, rubbing his chin.
the next thing i knew, i was walking out of the home i thought would be forever, no kids alongside me as the door crashed behind me.
