c σ m p α s s ¤ чσσnkσσk + small hiatus

Fifth

If there comes a day
People posted up at the end of your driveway
They're callin' for your head and they're callin' for your name,

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As the youngest entered highschool, his insecurities had never been so large. Jungkook wanted to rip off his skin and grow a new one without disgusting acne. He wanted to cut off all the fat from his body with a knife, no matter how much blood spilled, and he wanted to tear the teeth from his gums that were far too large and far too rabbit-like.

Highschool was a shit show for everyone. For Jungkook, it was magnified tenfold.

Start with his sexuality, the never-ending infinite worlds of daylight that suffocated him with their forcing brightness. Jungkook was gay. He questioned himself a lot in middleschool, but now he was positive he was gay. And nobody knew. And he hid it from everyone. Around every corner Jungkook felt like a tightly coiled spring was ready to launch at him any second, and exploit his deepest secret.

His depression was also especially awful. Low self-esteem was just the tip of the ice burg. Below the cold skin of black waters was something hidden, something horrifying. The layers of his soul were a huge gaping hole of self-hatred, that actually turned out to be a giant monster with millions of sharp teeth.

Jungkook wanted to end his life. He had no friends and nobody to lean on.

Because as Jungkook's beginning to his freshman year took off, so did Yoongi, off to college.

Jungkook didn't even know the name of the university the older had gone to, and felt increasingly lonely as the four years dragged on. He developed a crush on a boy in Junior year, only to be rejected. He had no one to turn to, no one to love him, especially when his grandmother passed away in his senior year.

He was on meds for his severe depression, and thought about suicide nearly every day.

Being 18 already, he simply dealt with living alone, as Jimin and Taehyung had already gone to college after Yoongi, and to the same one at that.

So of course, at the youngest age of an adult, Jungkook made his journey to follow his brother to college, and kicked off his freshman year with as much confidence as he could muster.

The task was difficult, especially with how big his insecurities had gotten without Yoongi around. It felt like a gaping hole in his chest.

He had decided to major in psychology, and to take film study classes as well as the Intro to Music Composition along with it for fun. He was excited, to say the very least.

The personal internal struggles that he himself had pulled him towards a psychology major, like a magnet. The knowledge that he could help others with the same issues as him- well that was all he could really ask for.

As for film and music study, Jungkook had really gotten into movie making in highschool. Something about editing, putting clips together to make an emotion-evoking story, had excitement broiling beneath his skin.

Music was for Yoongi, of course. Jungkook had always loved to sing, but he was never really good at composing. It was Yoongi with a passion for song-writing that had Jungkook slowly falling into it as he continued through highschool.

A nearby dance studio had caught his attention once he'd arrived on campus, and so he decided to drop in to say hi.

There he had met an energetic young receptionist named Jung Hoseok, three years his elder and one of the studio's best instructors. Hoseok had been very kind, especially to a floundering freshman like Jungkook, and had even happily given him the directions to his dorm building, explaining how he was a student too, a senior.