Journal || Be More Chill/Dear Evan Hansen

Meet Again.

The lanky teen hesitantly walked towards the library, he was visibly shaking.
He opened the door, knowing he would be there.
He saw him, quickly pressing the buttons on the computer, with a focused but happy face.
He was happy.
Jeremy cleared his throat, rather quietly, but the hoodie wearing boy heard him, and turned his head.
His smile faltered for a bit, he looked at the screen then back at Jeremy with a semi-forced smile.
There was a uncomfortable silence.
"..can I...?"
Jeremy motioned towards the chair next to his friend, getting a small nod in return.
Once he sat down, the uncomfortable silence returned.
"I...you..want to, come over..? My place? Y-you don't need to, it's-it's okay if you don't want to-"
He was cut off by a quiet 'okay'.
He was taken aback, then looked down.
"oh, okay. Cool.."
They stood there for the past hour, just looking down, Michael occasionally looking up at the computer screen.
Jeremy stood up, hearing Michael let out a heavy breath.
"I-uh, see you later? Yeah, uh-bye..?"
Michael gave him a small wave, and Jeremy rushed out the door.

Once Jeremy made it to his home, he panicked.
'holy fucking donkey shit he's actually coming over- I ACTUALLY asked instead of running off.
Friendship point for you, Jeremy.
Okay okay, I have to prepare-'

He took a shaky breath as he prepared.

He just, frantically waved his hands in the air before running towards the living room, knowing his father would be in there, sleeping.
He jumped on the couch, shaking his father awake.
"dad? dad- wake up-"
Once he woke, he sat up.
"Hm? Oh, Jeremy. What's up Sport?"
"Dad, Michael's coming over, help me clean up please? I want to make him comfortable and stuff, I need everything to be perfe--"
Paul put a hand on his shoulder, Jeremy giving a questioning look.
"Son, if you want him to be.. comfortable, just leave everything as it is. I'm pretty sure all he wants is...well, Jeremy. If you mess it up, you're screwed."
Jeremy scoffed, shaking his head.
"Wow. Thanks for that added pressure. No, dad, he needs it, I've done so much selfish and fucked up shit I need to make it up-"
He was cut off by his father again.
"Consider your feelings too, Jerem-."
This time, Jeremy cut him off.
"No, my feelings don't fucking matter right now."
He let out a sigh, getting off the couch.
Then, a blonde woman burst through the door.
"I'm home-! Oh, Jeremy, dear, what's wrong?"
She immediately rushed over to Jeremy.
"What? Nothing, don't know what you're talking about-"
"Jeremy, you can't hide your feelings from me, as a mother, I can detect if you're feeling down. I have mother instincts."
She cupped Jeremy's cheeks in her hands.
"Tell me what's wrong, honey"
Jeremy sighed.
"You remember Michael?"
The mother perked up.
"Oh! Yes! That boy with the glasses and the sweater that you always stole from him! That boy was the sweetest."
The woman basically gushed.
"Yeah yeah, well, he's coming over and.. you know, with what happened, it's not going to be... normal."
The blonde sighed.
"Honey, you don't need to change, and, I know this is really cliche, but, just be yourself."
Jeremy groaned, is that really the only advice they have?
The blonde looked around, mumbling 'I feel like I'm forgetting something'.
"Heidi, hun, where's Evan?"
Paul spoke up.
The woman, Heidi, froze, bringing a hand up to her head.
"Oh FUCK I forgot Evan!"
She frantically dug into her pocket for her keys, rushing out the door.
Paul let out a chuckle, while Jeremy just watched her zoom out into her car, almost tripping a confused looking Michael on her way.
"Hah....wait, oH FuCK-"
He quickly tumbled up the stairs, internally screaming.
There was a soft knock on the door, and Paul answered it.
Once the door was open, both Michael and Paul heard something.
"DON'T LET HIM IN YET."
Jeremy screeched from upstairs.
Paul chuckled.
"Hi Mr. Heere."
M

ichael mumbled quietly.

"Hey Sport! Come on in."
Michael trudged over to the kitchen, grabbing a soda that had 'Jeremy' written all over it in sharpie.
He opened it and took a sip.
Jeremy rushed down the stairs, wearing a pastel blue sweatshirt that said 'Fucking Furry' in white, bold letters.
His hair was still the messy mop of curls growing off his head that he tried to tame, but failed miserably.
The two boys locked eyes for a second, before turning away.
The first thing he noticed was his soda.
"that...was my soda."
Michael hummed in response, taking another sip.
"How about you two go to the basement?"
Paul spoke up, and both of the boys' moods dropped.
"Uh, yeah, sure.."
They both got up hesitantly, slowly walking down the stairs to the basement.
Once they actually entered the basement, they both stopped and stared.
It was exactly the same from the last time they played together.
Untouched and a bit dusty.
They both sat on the beanbags, a big gap in between them.
In the background, they heard music playing from upstairs, it didn't seem familiar.
Jeremy looked over at Michael, seeing him grabbing his remote.
He was shaking.
Badly.
Right before Jeremy was going to speak, he heard Michael let out a quiet sob.
He felt his heart sink.
Fuck.
He hesitantly wrapped his arm around Michael, not prepared to be engulfed into a tight hug.
"Michael.."
He didn't know what else to say, his supposed 'best friend' was just clinging onto him, crying.
He slowly reached his hand towards Michael's hair, stroking it softly.
They stood there for what seemed like hours, until Michael's soft breathing and hiccups were all that were heard.
Jeremy didn't even know he was crying until he actually heard himself sniffling.
He started to mess around with Michael's hair, making it messier.
Jeremy sighed, closing his eyes.
He just held on tight, because that's all he could do.
Hold on and wish for the best.