ex silentio | ivan goncharov x reader

ʀɪꜱɪɴɢ

Rising

ɪ ʟᴏᴠᴇ ꜱᴇᴇɪɴɢ ɪᴛ ʀɪꜱᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ᴀɴᴅ ꜰᴀʟʟ, ᴛʜᴇ ꜱᴜɴ, ᴀɴᴅ ᴍᴀʏ ɪ ꜱᴀʏ, ɪᴛ'ꜱ ɪɴᴅᴇᴇᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ᴘʀᴇᴛᴛɪᴇꜱᴛ ᴡʜᴇɴ ʟᴏᴡ, ᴄʟᴏꜱᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ ɢʀᴏᴜɴᴅ. ᴏɴʟʏ ᴛʜᴇɴ ᴅᴏᴇꜱ ɪᴛ ʙʟᴇᴇᴅ ᴀɴᴅ ʀᴜᴘᴛᴜʀᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ʙʟᴜᴇ, ᴀɴᴅ ᴡʜᴇɴ ɪɴ ꜱᴜᴄʜ ᴀ ꜱᴛᴀᴛᴇ, ᴏɴʟʏ ᴛʜᴇɴ ᴡᴇ ᴀᴅᴍɪʀᴇ ɪᴛ. ɴᴏᴡ, ᴛᴏ ᴀꜱᴋ ɴᴏɴꜱᴇɴꜱᴇ - ᴡʜɪᴄʜ ɪꜱ ᴘʀᴇᴛᴛɪᴇʀ, ᴛʜᴇ ꜱᴜɴʀɪꜱᴇ ᴏʀ ꜱᴜɴꜱᴇᴛ? ɪɴ ᴍʏ ʜᴜᴍʙʟᴇ ᴏᴘɪɴɪᴏɴ, ɪᴛ ɪꜱ ᴛʜᴇ ꜱᴜɴʀɪꜱᴇ, ꜰᴏʀ ᴏɴᴇ ɴᴇᴇᴅꜱ ᴛᴏ ᴡᴀᴋᴇ ᴜᴘ ᴛᴏɢᴇᴛʜᴇʀ ᴡɪᴛʜ ɪᴛ, ᴀɴᴅ ꜱᴘᴀʀᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ʀᴇꜱᴛ ᴏꜰ ᴛʜᴇ ᴅᴀʏ ɪɴ ꜱᴡᴇᴇᴛ ᴍᴇᴍᴏʀʏ ᴏꜰ ɪᴛ.

. . .

Ivan had forced you to sleep. Knowing there was no point in disagreeing with him, you listened and did as he demanded. It didn't take you too long to do so - shrouded in his warmth, safe and sound, it wasn't hard to shut your eyes, relax, and at last fall asleep. Ivan noticed that you did so with an unwavering, serene smile, so he fell asleep soon after, equally as satisfied.

Hours later, you had woken up well rested. You felt almost no fatigue or strain, contrary to what you might had expected at first. And indeed, one might think that the act itself could have been more tiring, but in truth - it didn't last long enough. Maybe some other time it'll be different.

You remembered what he told you last night. Your life was now one with his own - your future was a coherent line from this point on, and, you realized, smiling to the idea like a fool - you won't ever be alone, ever again. It was all thanks to him. Just as he told you, you had days ahead of you to prove your undying love to each other. There was no need to rush, because the moments you were meant to enjoy now became your entire life.

Soon you opened your eyes to look at Ivan's sleeping form. You began thinking of how in fact you felt... refreshed. As if you had gotten rid of another little burden you had no idea you had been carrying. Funny, how... this, all of this made you feel so fulfilled. Love? It was no wonder why people chase after it so desperately. However, in your case, there was no need to run after it, hunt it in a frenzy and weep once you take a short glimpse at it. Your love came to you, on its own accord, when you least expected it, where you least expected it - and you didn't do a single thing. You were just being yourself. And Ivan fell in love with that.

You were lucky. Way too lucky. But didn't every being deserve to feel this way, in the end? To love and be loved?

You pat Ivan's head. He shifted, and his lips morphed a content smile. He opened his eyes, just a little, and wished you good morning, his voice a bit raspier than usual. With a kiss on your forehead, he enveloped you in a hug, and asked you: "How are you?"

"Great, and you?" you softly questioned.

"Same," he responded, rubbing his hands over your bare back. You felt him wrap his legs around yours, which helped your cold feet warm up a little. He buried his nose into your hair, taking in your scent, as you did his. The natural smell of sweat might sound appalling to some, but to you, it felt just fine. You liked it and you were used to it by now.

Left in silence, you two did nothing but enjoy each other's company. As it happened, your mind wandered off, snapping you back to reality. So you had to interrupt it all with: "Sorry, but, what's the time? Did we wake up too late?"

"Too late? I'm sure Dostoyevsky would understand our situation, if that's what bothers you."

"Dostoyevsky would understand? You mean, you'd tell him that we..?" you choked, imagining the dozens of ways it could go wrong.