Frenemies-(Choni)

The letter

It had been days since Cheryl last slept. There were too many things going through her mind. But, all of those things only held one name and by now, I'm sure you now what that is. She kept wanting to fall asleep, or be able to study for exams. She was just too distracted. So one night, long after midnight, she pulled out a paper and she started writing. If there's one thing Cheryl was sure of, is that when she put her thoughts on paper, she always felt better. She wouldn't be the only one holding such weight on her shoulders anymore. So, she wrote a letter. A confession letter to Toni.

Dear T,

when I got my heart broken a couple of years ago, from so many unfortunate events, I thought that that was it. The last time I was happy and whole. The last time I'd be in love. Ever. After that, I didn't want to look at another person, I didn't want to have the slightest crush on anyone. As time passed by, I somehow started wishing that I fall in love again. I wanted to be able to love every part of someone again. But that didn't happen. I was scared, I'll admit it. I was scared that I got so hurt when someone I was in love with got taken away from me, that I had become incapable of love. I thought all the doors to my heart were shut. That was until you came along, anyways.The first time we talked this year was the first time I really saw you. You had been around, I just didn't look. Because I didn't want to maybe, or simply maybe the timing was wrong. I like to believe that that was it.We have been talking for quiet some time now and I can't help but think about you most of the time. Can't help but want you around all the time. Have you in ways that no one else can. I don't want to be in love with you, this fucking pains me. Because you're not mine and I am yours. I'm yours and you don't even want me.I keep trying to convince myself that you're just someone that I like and that I'll get over it. Over you. I don't want to let myself fall for you. I didn't want to, at least. It'd be to painful and I didn't think I could handle it. I still tell myself that I don't feel this way about you. I convince myself that I'm being dramatic and that there is no way I'm in love with someone that I can never, ever have. But then, I found myself going to sleep thinking about you and how you were in that very moment. If that wasn't bad enough, I found myself waking up in the morning, wondering what your first thought was. So, when all this started happening, I stopped going to sleep.I want you to know that this is not what I wanted. I never came into your life with the intention to be more to you than just a friend you occasionally talk to. I didn't plan on being in love with someone that doesn't feel the same way. You are someone else's and as much as it hurts to admit it, we both know it's true. I don't want you out of my life, to lose you. I don't hate you for not feeling the same way as me. If anything, I have to thank you. For making me feel for the first time in years. For letting me know that I'm capable of loving someone with everything I have, again.I want you to be so happy and laugh so hard that your lungs struggle for air for a second from all that excitement. It's okay if I'm not the one making you happy even though I wish I was. But, as long as you're happy, I'm going to be just fine. With whoever it it, just be free and blossom, my love. For you deserve it. You always did.

-Cheryl B.

She closed her pen, lifted the paper and looked at it. Her whole heart was poured into it. Even between the lines. She realized that she was not brave enough to ever give it to Toni. At least, not anytime soon. She folded it, put it in an envelope than wrote the initials 'T.T' on the bottom, right corner. She looked at it again, then left it on top of her side table. She laid on her bed, looking outside of the window. Just like that, Cheryl didn't move. It soon became bright outside. Here we go. One more day of Cheryl Blossom being sleep deprived.