Alyssa x Dennise

confused

Why are you out here? Aren't you cold?

Oh, hi Den. I'm just trying to catch some air. And I really want to smoke but I forgot my pack at home.

Ly, how many times do I have to tell you to quit smoking?

It's true. Den has been trying to make me quit smoking since we met. I tried, I swear I did. But my heart hurts so bad it's the only way I know how to make it stop even just for a while.

Keys?

Huh?

I said give me your keys. You're already drunk, I'll drive.

...

I don't know how but I looked at her and it felt like for once she had changed her mind. It also looked like she saw through me, like Dennise always does.

Ly, keys.

Aren't we going to tell them we're leaving?

There's no need. I'm sure they'll understand.

I'm not sure if I can get in the car with Dennise and watch her talk and smile like the angel she is. I'm not sure I can survive this. But I give her my keys anyway.

To my surprise, Dennise is quiet on the way to the convenience store. She was just silently humming to the song playing on the stereo while I stare out the window trying my best to keep my shit together.

Do you want anything? Candies? A drink? I ask her as I look at her from the outside of the rolled down window of my car.

No, Ly. I'm good. I'll just wait for you out here.

I buy my cigarettes trying to tell myself that I'll be okay. That Dennise and I will be okay. I walk back to my car and Den is playing music from her phone.

Waiting on someone who'll never be yours it sounds stupid
Bizarre but you stay a little more yes you wait oh you wait

She's singing to the songs now. Den has always been a good singer. That's how we met. Three years ago I offered to manage the band my bestfriend was forming and little did I know I would find her there, the girl who will always have my heart.

Stick to managing the band, Ly. Dennise said with a smirk. I didn't notice I already started singing along too. I look at her pretending to be mad at her remark and she laughs and god, I might die right at this moment. I am so soft for Dennise. I smile.

Den parks my car in front of Synjin's house but no one is moving a single inch. I am looking down as I fiddle with my hands and Dennise is looking straight out the windsheild.

Ly?

This is it. I'm losing Dennise forever. I roll down my window and light a cigarette.

I love you, Alyssa.

She holds my hand and she smiles a sad smile. This is it. The tears I have been trying to hold back in the last couple of months burst out and here I am, crying my eyes out in front of the woman I have been trying my hardest to protect.

I'm sorry, Den. I'm really really sorry.

No, Ly. I'm sorry. I was in a bad place and you were there and I let you and we had good days but...

She didn't have to say it. I have always known.

Shhh. It's okay, Den. I know. I know because I can see in the way even the bare minimum effort from him sweeps you off your feet every single time. I can take you to a thousand concerts and book you hundreds of your dream gigs and he can just sit there and you will still choose him. Remember our first concert? The one he didn't want to go to with you so you asked me instead? You asked me to drive you to his office after and I didn't dare resist because I know no matter how much you smile and laugh with me I can never make you choose me instead.

Ly.

It's true, isn't it? You held my hand, kissed me, looked at me like I was the most beautiful thing in the world while you sang on stage, made me feel like finally you were going to choose me, but you always ended up coming home to him. Every single time.

I loved you, Ly. I love you. But I have met Louis before the band started, even before all this fame and success, and long before I have gotten my shit together. He stuck with me during my bad days and waited very patiently for me to come around. I owe it to him to do the same.

I know. I understand.

I ran out of words to tell Dennise. I wish I can but I know I can never make her choose me instead.

You will always have a special place in my heart and in my life, okay?

I know that no matter how much Dennise means what she just said, I'm going to lose her completely once she and Louis gets married. I was at a lost for words so I just looked up to meet her eyes and nodded my head in defeat.

And then suddenly we hear knocks on the driver's side window. Speaking of the devil.

Dennise looks at who's outside and looks back at me with sad eyes as if saying goodbye. She opened her door walking out of my life for one last time, choosing him for good.

And just like that, my heart is ripped in unimaginably small pieces it might be impossible to put it back together.

Goodbye, My Angel.