numb.

the way you turned things over

I remember when you told me you knew I liked you. You said a big smile invades my face when I see you. And it was true, I let you manipulate my mood. Your presence used to make me happy. I would spend the whole day waiting for you to appear and when you did, I would be the happiest girl on Earth. There was a time when I closed my eyes when you kissed my neck, I remember that as if it was yesterday. My heartbeat used to be fast near you, and we would both listen to it quietly. When you hugged me, I felt home. For some reason, you have always felt familiar to me. I still wonder about the reason behind it, maybe it was your smell or the way you used to kiss my forehead. I honestly have never felt more comfortable in someone's arms. 

But then you fucked up. And when you did, you messed me up. You fucked up big time. 

Now I don't even hug you back, I have to force myself to do so. Now, every time you say you like me, every single lie you've ever said automatically plays in my head. I don't know how to kiss you back anymore. I no longer feel comfortable in the arms of someone I love. When I look at you, I realise you are a stranger. I don't smile anymore and instead, I feel like crying. Now I need to stay away from you to gain back the confidence you took away from me. I don't feel special, I feel played. And no matter how much I try, how much I wanna feel like I did before, everything I have never said haunts me. 

You used to make me happy, but now you just make me sad.