The Loneliest Person (Someone Like Me) [Mina x Sana]

Chapter 3: Hardest Decision

The Twice dorm was completely empty except for the Japanese members by the end of breakfast. Momo, Sana, and Mina said their goodbyes to all of the other members, leaving only the three of them to spend Chuseok alone at the dorm. The Korean members had invited the Japanese members to celebrate Chuseok with them, but Momo, Sana, and Mina politely declined, not wanting to inconvenience the members' families during the holidays. The three of them always stayed at the dorm during Chuseok anyway, and this year was no exception.

Mina was looking forward to spending a relaxing day in bed. Twice was so busy with schedules up until the day before Chuseok that this was their first rest day in a long time. On top of that, Mina was feeling a bit odd at the moment. Today, more than ever, Mina was finding it difficult to resist Sana's charms. Perhaps it was because the other members were gone now, but Sana seemed to be giving her extra attention and extra affection today. Normally she enjoyed Sana's attention, but after that vivid dream this morning...

Mina shivered, thinking about the intimacy they had shared in her dream. She was curled up in bed at the moment, hugging her penguin plushie for comfort. Reluctantly, Mina allowed her heart to mull over the "what if" scenarios with Sana that her brain had tried to ignore the last few months.

The young girl closed her eyes and imagined Sana as her girlfriend. She imagined playful shopping dates where they would hold hands and try on clothes with each other, and cafe dates where they would feed each other desserts. She imagined them holding hands while watching movies in the living room together or sharing a kiss while looking up at the stars. She imagined taking cute pictures of Sana and smiling as she looked at them later. She imagined just sitting with Sana and talking to her, cherishing Sana's beautiful laugh. She imagined the freedom of simply letting her heart melt whenever Sana smiled at her.

If they started dating, Mina could finally stop feeling guilty for thinking about Sana this way and start embracing the feeling in her heart that was surely love.

Mina rolled over on her stomach and buried her face in her pillow. It was an impossible dream. Mina knew herself and she wasn't one to take chances. How would a coward like herself ever find the courage to confess to anyone, much less to someone out of her league like Sana? Even if she was certain that Sana felt the same way, would she be able to tell Sana how she felt? In her heart, Mina knew that the answer was no.

"Maybe some music would help calm me down," Mina murmured to herself, trying to distance herself from her current train of thought. She reached for her phone and flipped through her music. She settled on "Someone Like Me", a low, sultry Twice song that Mina liked to listen to when she was in a pensive mood like now. As the song began to play from her phone's speaker, the bedroom door opened and Sana walked in.

"Naega geudael eolmana manhi wonhaneunji? / Do you know how much I want you?" asked Mina's voice from the "Someone Like Me" recording.

Mina's heart leapt out of her chest when Sana, not missing a beat, asked her playfully, "No, how much do you want me?"

"More than I should," Mina thought to herself.

Tactfully ignoring the question, Mina sat up and patted an empty spot on her bed. Sana immediately climbed in next to Mina and threw her arms around Mina's neck in a hug. Sana rocked them back and forth to the song, and then she started to sing along, picking up from Jeongyeon's line.

"I sesange geu modeun susjarodo, nae maeumeun da pyohyeon an doeneungeol. / Even with all the numbers in the world, my feelings can't be expressed."

Goosebumps formed on the back of Mina's arms as she admired the beauty of Sana's voice while being serenaded in her arms. She swallowed deeply when Sana let her go and smiled at her. Looking into Sana's glittering eyes, Mina knew that Sana was too bright for her. Or rather, it was more accurate to say that Mina didn't feel bright enough to be with Sana. Their personalities were just too different. Sana liked to be loud while Mina liked to be quiet. Sana could always put a positive spin on things, whereas Mina was always quick to focus on the realistic negatives. Could a relationship even succeed with such opposite personalities?

"Come on Mina, let's go out and play with Momo," Sana suggested cheerfully, oblivious to Mina's inner struggles. "We can go shopping and get some lunch."

Mina tried hard not to think about the cute shopping dates with Sana that she had fantasized about just a few minutes ago. Her heart was aching for Sana more than usual today, and it was getting harder and harder for Mina to suppress her feelings. It was probably best for her to put a little distance between them right now.

"I'm not in the mood to go out today," Mina said truthfully. "You and Momo should go have fun though."

Sana looked surprised. "Eh? But you'll be here by yourself if we leave. If you don't want to go shopping, we could do something else like go to the arcade or watch a movie."

Mina shook her head, trying to ignore the look of disappointment on Sana's face. "Sorry Sana, I kind of had my heart set on spending the day here."

Sana's brow furrowed with concern. "But everyone else is gone... Are you sure you won't be lonely here by yourself?" she asked Mina, switching over to Japanese. The J-Line members liked to speak in Japanese whenever they talked about something that was serious in nature. Casual conversations were held in Korean so that the other members could join in. But in order to exercise their Japanese on a regular basis, they tried to use their native language for their more personal conversations with each other.

But Mina didn't think this conversation was serious enough to warrant the use of Japanese though, so she answered Sana in Korean. She smiled softly, acknowledging Sana's concern for her. "Don't worry about me, Sana-ya. Really, I'll be fine here. You and Momo go have fun."

Sana frowned. "Are you sure you don't want to come with us? We can do whatever you want today. We'll even get some yukhoe for lunch. Your favorite!" she said in Japanese, trying to entice the younger girl with something irresistible.

Sana's shining eyes were silently pleading for Mina to change her mind and accept the invitation, which only made Mina feel worse for trying to avoid Sana right now. But the situation wasn't as simple as "hang out or not hang out". It was a matter of keeping her feelings in check, of not letting an overwhelming desire for Sana ruin their important friendship.

"Maybe we should all just stay in today," Sana murmured quietly, deep in thought.

Mina finally decided to switch over to Japanese in an attempt to comfort the older girl. "Why so serious, Sattang?" she asked with a smile, patting the disappointed girl on the head gently. "I'll be OK here on my own. You know I like being by myself sometimes." Mina poked Sana's pouting cheeks lightly. "You and Momo go have fun. Next time I promise I'll go out with you guys. Well do it tomorrow, OK? The timing just isn't right today."

Mina smiled with relief when she saw the older girl's pout start to soften. "Thank you for worrying about me so much, Sattang. I really appreciate it. I love you," she told Sana, using the Japanese word "suki" to covey her feelings. It was equivalent to the "saranghae" that they and the members always said to each other in Korean to express their familial love for each other.

Sana sighed and finally smiled back at Mina. "I don't know why I put up with you," she teased affectionately. "I love you, too," Sana said, using the same "suki" that Mina had used. The older girl got up and switched back to Korean to indicate that their serious conversation was over. "Momo and I will be in the area all afternoon, so call us if you change your mind."

Sana gazed at Mina with her eyes full of affection. She was smiling, but the cheerfulness didn't quite reach her eyes, which shined with that same indescribable hint of sadness that Mina had been unable to identify all day.

"Ask her what she's feeling," Mina told herself. "Ask her why she's sad!" But Mina just swallowed guiltily for refusing Sana's request to hang out, from the shame of harboring an all-consuming love for Sana, and said nothing.

With one final sigh about the situation, Sana leaned down and placed a light kiss on Mina's forehead. "And I'm sorry for worrying about you so much. It just makes my heart ache when I think about you being alone."

And then Sana turned away and left their bedroom. The younger girl reached up and gently touched the warmth on her forehead. Mina's heart pounded painfully in her chest, making her wonder whether she was handling her confusing feelings for Sana in the correct way or not. And she wondered if Sana's heart ached for her the same way that her heart ached for Sana.