Chapter 2
A one hour sanctuary
After lying in bed for several hours, I finally gather every inch of energy I still have somewhere inside of me to get out of my bed and I decide to have a shower. I strip out of my clothes. I get caught by the reflection on the mirror, the reflection of someone I don’t recognize anymore. I look at my belly. Tears start to form in my eyes. I’m so damn fat and ugly. I hate myself. I have spent the last few years hiding myself in wide shirts so it becomes even harder to remind myself of the real me, the real short fat ugly me. I press play and my regular playlist of sad songs start to play as I step into the shower. I take the opportunity of the sound of water running down and the loud sound of music to sing my heart out and cry my eyes out, to pour every sad feeling I have into the words, reminiscing every bad thing I’ve went through until there’s no more hot water and no more tears to cry.
I wrap the towel around me and look again in the mirror. My eyes are red and tired. My face is emotionless. I don’t love myself but nor I hate myself now. I feel nothing. A feeling I’ve become very familiar with. I embrace the emptiness. For this one moment of emptiness, nor the sadness nor the ugliness nor the anger nor the regrets that eat me alive, none of them are mine. For just one moment, I’m totally empty.
A knock on the door awakens me from the state I’m in. it’s my brother telling me to hurry up because It took me forever. I look away from the mirror and with a deep breath I prepare myself for the dark thoughts to emerge right back in my brain and for me to get back to real life. I wear my same favorite jeans with a different yet similar big T-shirt and a converse. I brush my hair in a gentle way this time and walk out of my one hour sanctuary.
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When Misery Sinks In
RandomEver had the feeling or even wondered what it's like when misery takes over your life? This book describes the everyday life of a girl well aware of that feeling.....
