The Physical State of Love; a Daryl's Story

Chapter Two: The Warmth

Daryl's POV

Warmth, that's the feeling again.  It is always the warmth that I feel first.  Not a touch in the physical sense but a feeling of a difference in temperature like the morning rays of the sun. ‘That's it you idiot, its morning.’  How many mornings have it been that I've been lying here stuck in my head.  I can't remember what happened but I remember the pain. God, it was painful in the beginning.  I wanted to scream not to touch me and I did, at least in my head. I can't move and I can't speak.  I need to know what's happening here, what happened to put me in the position. Why can't I remember? Dammit!

Warmth.  I feel it.  I can feel it.  It's soft, so soft, but the warmth, I can feel it.  Her touch, oh how I need her touch. I've never needed something so much but I know I need her.  Everyday since,.. I don't know since when because I don't know how long I've been like this but everyday I look forward to her presence.  It's like a drug for me now, I need her. It been a few days, I think, that I began registering her voice. She was talking to me. Asking me questions that I really wished I could answer.  ‘Yes Cassie, I can hear you.  Please don't cry, not for me, never for me.  I can't stand to hear you so sad.’  And from then I could always hear her, I could feel her, and I knew I could never be without her again.  Today, it feels different. Something is bothering her, I can hear it in her voice. She's not talking to me though.  Did she just say David, who is David and why is she talking to him? Is she laughing now, what's so damn funny? Who the fuck is this guy. He's taking her attention off of me.

Warmth!  I need her warmth.  Cassie, don't leave me.  I hate feeling this weak, this helpless.  I've never needed someone or something this much but I need her, just her.  I know she's not in the room anymore because she took her warmth with her but someone else is here now.  ‘Shit, not this again.’  I'm never prepared for this and I don't appreciate this touch.  It's the same routine every time. First, she asks me how I'm doing today, as if I could answer her.  Then she touches me, checking the IV needle, and moving me around. It used to hurt but I think I've healed enough that it doesn't bother me much anymore.  What I hate more than anything else, more than not being able to do anything, is having that damn catheter changed. As much as I am happy that I can feel things again, I really wish I could not feel that.  I'm alone with my thoughts again now that my nurse has left. The music is still playing in the background but I pay little attention to it. Jeez, how long as it really been. There's so much to do still but I'm sure Miguel is handling things with the business.  Funny, I don't remember him ever being here with me. Maybe in the beginning before I became aware of my situation. The last time I was in the hospital after a small misunderstanding that ending with me getting jumped, he told me that he never wanted to see me vulnerable and motionless again.  Miguel is nothing if not true to his word and that's probably why he has stayed away. I remember Matt being here though. He had brought Sam with him and said something about wanting to tell me the good news about expecting their first child. I wish I could have congratulated them and tell them how happy I was for them.  Yes, I used to have strong feelings for Sam but it all worked out how it was meant to. They belonged together and my heart is with Cassandra, my Cassandra.

Warmth! I missed her warmth.  Whatever happened to me must have been really bad to have brought her back here.  I know I'm lying here unable to move or speak, so yes it is bad but for her to be here and for how long exactly.  God I need her. What was it that Matt said to me, something about needing the best and she was the best. She helped him, a few years ago, come back from something horrific that I couldn't help him with.  She was truly a miracle worker. I remember the hidden looks he used to give her when she wasn't looking believing no one saw but I did. I always saw it. The things you think you could hide from me but I knew my brother well enough to see he had liked her.  He never did anything about it though and for that I was grateful because I too developed feelings for her. Unfortunately, I didn't realize it until it was too late and she left. God I missed her. How the hell did Matt get her back here and why did she agree to come.  I really need answer, ‘Dammit body, wake the hell up.  I need to move. I need to talk to her.  I need….’ Wow, those drugs the nurse gave me apparently are kicking in now as if I need anymore sleep but sleep came.  

Warmth!  A blanket?  I didn't feel cold but that's definitely a blanket being placed on me.  Miguel? I hear his voice. He's here with me so I must not look as bad I as might have thought.  He wouldn't have come otherwise unless it was something important. Wait, did something happen to prompt his visit.  Focus Daryl, you have to listen to what he is saying. “Look boss, I don't want to worry about anything. I'm taking care of business.  You're looking better, you've got your color back. Cass said you were giving her some resistance earlier today during therapy and she believes it might be a good sign.”  Gawd Miguel, I'm trying, I really am trying hard. There's a pause and then a sign before he continues. “Okay Daryl, it's time to end this. It's been almost four months since the car accident.  You were in bad shape. Your heart stopped twice, lots of broken bones but it was the swelling on the brain that was the bestest concern. That's why you're in this state now. They had to put you in a medically induced coma to give you the time you needed to heal.  But it's time now sir, you're healed, and there's nothing else left to do.” He touches me on the forearm before pulling the blanket up over my chest. I hear him walk away but then he says, “Cass needs you, so hurry it the hell up.”

Warmth, I feel the warmth.