The Physical State of Love; a Daryl's Story

Chapter Five: That Refreshing Feeling

Daryl's POV

Refreshing!  It smells refreshing.  Cucumbers and mint. Where is that coming from?  Damn, hot, too hot.  Hot and wet but I can smell the scent of cucumbers more.  It must be the nurse giving me my sponge bath. Why didn't she check the temperature of the water first.  I swear I must have visibly flinch from the initial contact but she doesn't have any reaction so I must not have moved.  The water eventually starts to feel good against my skin. She washes my face, my arms, my chest, my abdomen, and my legs. She even washes my balls, which should have aroused me but nothing, no reaction.  She carefully rolls me to my side and washes my back. It all feels amazing, so refreshing. If only she would wash my hair and massage my scalp. She changes the sheets too. I can feel the difference of fabrics on my skin.  She maneuvers a new pair of pants over my legs and up to my waist changing the angel of the catheter. God that part sucks so much.  I am left alone for a while after that.  I don't know where Cassie went. She usually comes to me after the nurse leaves but I feel like she's late.  Miguel comes to talk to me and he sounds concerned. I always knew I could trust him to take care of the business with or without me.  He has been a real asset and my right hand man. Having him in charge meant that was one thing at least I don't have to worry about. He seems worried about Cassie.  Why isn't she here now, where did she do? I'm glad that Miguel took the time to tell me what happened to me even though I'm unconscious and cannot react to anything.  Of all the things, a fucking car accident almost killed me. A gooddam car accident. I've never had a problem driving, even at very high speeds. Actually that's what I'm known for doing.  That was my best skill in the gang, racing cars and making money. What could have happened to make me crash my car. Fuck, which vehicle was I driving?  Hope it wasn't my baby, my red Lamborghini.  I bought that car custom-made, paid in full with cash.  It was perfectly done to my specifications and I've had that car for years.  I have won multiple races in the past with that car. Miguel doesn't hint to that detail when he spoke to me earlier.  Maybe he was still trying to protect me in my condition. At least I'm beginning to remember some of what happened as I piece together the information I've been told so far.  He also says something about Cassie; that she needed me. I need her too I just can't do anything to help her right now.

Refreshing! The thought of Cassie needing me brings a happy and refreshing mood to my soul.  I really want to believe that she could share the same feelings for me as I feel for her. She is here isn't she.  She would not have come unless she cared, right? It could just be that she values her profession and she wants to help me like she did with Matt.  I might just be another job to her after all. I'm driving myself crazy thinking about all the possibilities that could have brought her here, back to me.  I remember the first moment I saw her and was immediately drawn to her. It was about three and half or four years ago. I was in the hospital from one of my many alterations with a dissatisfied client.  I was sitting up in hospital bed running through some work on my laptop as I waited to get cleared to head home. The door to my room was opened and I heard a voice; the kind of voice that would stop you from moving, stop you from thinking, stop you from breathing, and having just that voice be the essence of your survival.  I looked up but I couldn't see her as she wasn't in view from my door. It took a few minutes before she crossed the doorway helping a patient slowly walk down the hallway. I watched her walk that patient back and forth, encouraging him as them went on how well he was doing. I asked my nurse what her name was and she told me, That's Cassandra Thornton.  She's the new physical therapist. It wasn't even a true meeting and it only lasted a short moment but she made a huge impression on me. When Matt had his accident she was the first person I thought to call to help him. She was so smart and compassionate. She created this treatment and rehabilitation plan for Matt that worked well with his strength and limitations.  She was a miracle worker. I did my research on her, it wasn't just my attraction to her that lead me to hire her, she was brilliant. She graduated high school at the early age of 16 with a few college credits under her belt. She had already completed almost two years of undergraduate education simultaneously while maintaining a GPA over a 4.0 in high school. She then attended New York University where she studied biology and physical therapy.  She completed a clinical residency in orthopedics physical therapy. She studied hard, even through her summers and continued her studies into completing a doctoral program as a Doctor of Physical Therapy for Practicing Physical Therapist. She graduated at the age of 21 and started working at New York Presbyterian Hospital which is where I first saw her. She was definitely gorgeous, you couldn't miss that fact, but her intelligence and perseverance was also so damn attractive.    

Refreshing! Her presence and her soul were a refreshing change to the hectic nature of my life.  She was a pleasant breath of fresh air everyday I saw her as she worked with Matt bringing him back to himself.  She not only helped him to walk again but she also brought him out of his sadness. She made him laugh and kept his spirits up.  She would tell him that his state of mind contributed to his health as much as everything else and that it made her job easier when he was in a good mood throughout his therapy.  Matt's not the type to talk to a shrink, he's like me in that way, but he talked to her about it and she managed to let him see it was an accident and got him to forgive himself for his part in the events.  She was brilliant and compassionate. When she left, her absence was felt, it hit me harder than I realized it would. I did not see until it was too late that I wanted her to stay in my life. I missed her.  I am pulled out of my daydream when I hear the door to my room open and I feel her presence again. She's here and so is Matt. It's been a few days since he stopped by. I hope everything with Sam's pregnancy is going well.  My brother is going to be a father. I have to be present for that. I have to wake up and support him through this stage in his life. I wonder how far along she is and when they plan to get married. I can feel them both on either side of me, touching me, and talking to about me.  Again, I want to participate in the conversation but I can't and it's so frustrating. They don't stay long and I miss them already. Matt returns a little while later and he stays with me for awhile. We share something in that moment of silence that only brothers, twin brothers could share.  Then he says We're taking Cassandra out Saturday night to Colin's concert. She needs to have a little fun and take her mind off you for a night. Today was the first time in a long while that I saw her laugh and she needs more of that. I'll keep my eye on her so don't worry about that. I know she matters to you.  Not that I could argue with him about it but I do agree with him that she needs to be happy. I heard her laugh that morning when she was on the phone with David.  I still need to find out who he is to her.  Just be safe, brother.  Matt leaves soon after but not before giving my hand a tight squeeze.  Ow! That hurt, I feel that and it hurts.  It feels like my nerve endings are on fire in my fingertips.  Wait, I think I just moved my finger, my index finger. As if to answer the imaginary question my index finger twitches again.  It is small but I do it, I feel it move. I need to focus and see if I can do it at will. I have to focus on just the one finger, to move it voluntarily.  

Refreshing!  The possibility that I might be able to control my movements now was refreshing.  It holds such promise that one little gesture could be the start of my full recovery.  I have renew hope and I am more determined than ever to see this through. I spend the next few minutes or hours, I can't really tell how long, determined to move my finger.  It isn't until I sense that Cassie is in the room that I realize I have brought my fingers into a fist on my left hand. She smells of honey and strawberries. She moves my sheet and blanket and I am wondering what she was doing.  Then the most amazing thing happens. She climbs in and lays snuggle up against my body. She is on my left side, placing her head on my chest and draping her left arm for my abdomen. Her right arm lays at her side in between us and our hands are so close I can feel the warmth radiating from her.  She speaks to me saying, I miss you, Daryl. Sleep well, and I swear my heart quicken. I miss you too Cassie I want to scream at her and soon she is in a heavy sleep.  I hear the gentle breath of her tiny snore and I feel the corner of my mouth curl up into a smile.  The movement makes me smile more and I slowly move my left hand to entwine my fingers with hers. A spark, a bolt passes through our hands as I hold hers and I bask in the feeling as I too drift off to sleep.

Refreshing!  It is greatly refreshing to really feel her.