angel | dealor

eight

"So, it goes through the atrium first, then the ventricle. The pulmonary vein, here, it brings blood into the left side from the lungs. If it says pulmonary, it's to do with the lungs. Atrium, ventricle, then out the aorta. That's the artery on the left, got it?" John nodded, seeming bored. Granted, the heart wasn't the most interesting topic, but we'd definitely covered worse with more enthusiasm. I looked down at my shitty drawing of a heart, smiling a little. If it didn't say 'heart' above it in block capitals, even I would struggle to figure out what it was. "And remember, blood goes in in the vein." I underlined the last two letters as I wrote down the word, laying my pencil on the paper. He sighed, looking down at his notepad and nodding a little, writing the word 'vein' and underlining the last two letters, as I had done.

"You got your lefts and rights, wrong," He murmured, looking at my diagram. There was a brief moment of panic when I wondered if I had, until I noticed what he meant.

"Heart diagrams are always backwards. Like.. If someone was stood in front of you, and you were looking at their heart." He just nodded again. I was quite glad he'd complained, because he'd finally spoken more than a word.

It was the first time I'd seen him since Saturday and it was fair to say he was acting cold. The whole walk home he'd ignored me, and he'd hardly spoken during our tutoring. He was usually very vocal, asking questions whenever one popped into his head and repeating what I'd said to confirm he'd understood. This time was just awkward.

"Okay... Any questions so far?" I asked, praying to God and any listening deity that he would have some. I almost cheered when he nodded.

"Can you die from a broken heart?"

And there it was. Fuck. Fuckfuckfuck. A broken heart.

"Uh, well... I'm not sure it's on the spec, but it's a thing... The, uh, it's similar to having a heart attack, except it's a lot less fatal..." I mumbled, not too sure how to wriggle my way out of that situation.

"Darn." He muttered under his breath, and I thought I was going to suffer broken heart syndrome right there. Had I hurt him that much?

"John, we need to talk about this.." I turned to him, biting my lip. He squirmed under my gaze, looking anywhere but in my direction. "John, please. Look at me? Hear me out?"

Slowly, he looked up and met my eyes before looking straight back at his lap. The sparkle that I once saw in his eyes was gone. The magic that they held had vanished. I'd done that. I'd hurt him.

"There's nothing to talk about.." He mumbled, fiddling with his hands in his lap. "I'll get over it.."

"What if I don't want you to get over it?"

He looked up at my words, finally meeting my eyes and holding the contact. He still looked hurt, maybe even more so. Almost as if I'd offended him.

"What's that supposed to mean?" He asked, folding his arms across his chest. Yep, he was angry. I stood up, slowly pacing back and forth.

"I had some sense talked into me. Clearly I care about you if I'm so desperate to protect you from me, and clearly I care about actually making a relationship work, rather than just having you in bed as I please, if I'm worried about how I behave..." I paused, now finding myself having to avert my eyes under his intense stare. This precious little angel was somehow intimidating me. "I know that I had my chance and I fucked it, but I'd be willing to try for you if you'd let me."

There was a long moment of silence, and I could hear my own heart thudding so loudly I was certain John could hear it too. I could feel his eyes burning into the side of my head, and I desperately wanted to know what was going on inside his mind. What he was thinking of that was taking him so long to respond to me.

Eventually, after what seemed like an eternity, he spoke up.

"I really, really want to stay mad at you. I want to say no and watch you suffer." Ouch. Okay then. "But I can't. I couldn't do that and risk never getting another opportunity, so..." His voice was soft, a little shaky as he spoke. Intimidated as I was by his previous demeanour, he now sounded absolutely terrified. I turned back to him, smiling faintly.

"So.. Will you be my boyfriend?" I asked quietly, a little uncertain.

"I'm still not happy with you, Roger," Fuck. I couldn't breathe. "But, I guess I wouldn't mind being your boyfriend." A small smile formed on his lips, and I held my arms open as a similar one appeared on my own. A massive sigh of relief slipped past my lips. As if he said yes!

He jumped up and hugged me tight, pressing his face against my neck. I never wanted this to end. When it did end, I didn't have much of a chance to be disappointed, for the second he pulled away from the hug our lips were together, moving in sync. He still wasn't a great kisser, but each one was better than the last, and his lips still managed to drive me wild.

"I hate to ruin the moment," I mumbled as he pulled away, a smile on my lips as I gently ran the pad of my thumb over his lower lip, "But we've got some biology to get on with, mister."

———

After two hours of us sitting at my desk, we'd migrated to the bed. Before your mind gets racing, both fully clothed. Get your head out of the gutter.

In the end we had managed to get some work done before settling down, and he'd rung his mum to tell her he was staying at mine for tea. That gave us a couple of extra hours to hang out, especially as she didn't want him walking home in the dark and couldn't pick him up until late. A lot had happened that evening, and everything was falling into place.

I was happy. If only I could make it last.

"You're getting better at that.." I murmured, smiling and quickly pecking his lips again. "Really. I was worried at first, but now I'm worried for another reason. What if you end up a better kisser than me?" I teased, trailing the tip of my finger along his jaw.

"That won't happen. You're the best kisser," He whispered, softly connecting our lips again. I loved it, just the two of us sharing gentle kisses, completely oblivious to anyone else in the world. "But I could definitely do with some more practise, don't you think?" He asked. I grinned, rolling over and positioning myself on my knees, with one leg either side of him. I leant down and rested my weight between my forearms which were beside his head.

"You can practise all you want, Johnny Boy."

a/n I have no self control. This whole 'spreading out chapters' thing just isn't working for me.