In Between

Chapter 6

For four and a half years, I suffered from bullying. The first year wasn't so bad. Instead, during the second year it became worse. Around this time I noticed that I would become depressed and anxious whenever I had to go to school. The fear that gripped me each day was unbelievable.

One thing I've learnt and realized from this ordeal is that people who get bullied suffer a lot. It isn't easy to be in an environment where you feel and know that you're not welcome. There are many things running through a victims head and maybe that's why some commit suicide. They are unable to handle it and honestly I can't blame them. It's sad to see a life that could have impacted someone and done something be wasted all because one or a group of persons decided to inflict pain that they feel o others just because it makes you look "cool". But the on solution to getting rid of this, is by having an intimate relationship with our Heavenly Father. When we go to God and we cast all our burdens on him and lay ourselves down at His feet, we find ourselves in awe of his awesome presence. His Spirit comes over us, and it fills us with joy, peace, grace, mercy and all the marvelous blessings He has in store for us. In the bible, God asked us to come as we are. When he said this, He was talking about us coming into His presence with our raw and true emotions. We sometimes put up this facade and wear so many masks that we tend to lose ourselves on that process and believe the lies we've created for ourselves. And that's what God is making reference to. When we come to him, we must "strip ourselves naked" not in the literal sense but more spiritual. Don't come with the fake images and perfect life. No! Instead we must come to him with all our brokenness, hurt, pain, anger, hatred, disappointments etc... Because we are broken vessels and when we take this broken vessel to the maker, He fixes it and makes it wonderful. We His perfectly imperfect sons and daughters and He loves us all despite the numerous mistakes we will all still continue to make.

I like to use comparison of us to glass. When it's ordinary and plain it is never interesting neither is it intriguing. Rather it is very boring to look at and eventually if you stare long and hard enough you either get tired or bored. Have you ever seen stained glass? It's beauty is breathtaking. The way the different pieces are put together so intricately and the way they all fit so perfectly comes together to create a wonderful and splendid masterpiece. As children of God, we are His stained glass. The world is the plain glass and at first glance, you may think that the people living in there are having a great time with all the parties, drinking, sex and drug. Then when you look at your life, you see that you're not having as much fun as you used. Automatically you begin compromising with the mentality that you're only going to do certain things, and then when you're done enjoying yourself, you can come back to God and he'll forgive you. The forgiveness part is true and even though God's forgiveness is always there, we must never take advantage of it. By committing a sin with the intention that you have God's forgiveness is already wrong in its self. Why? Because you know exactly what you are doing, and by doing that you know what you're getting yourself into. It's just like committing murder. You have purposed in your heart to kill someone not because you were trying to defend yourself from him or her and then you go to court with the intention to plead your case ad self defense. But all the evidence show that your are guilty to the bone.

The depression wasn't sudden. And that's the thing with these pesky feelings. They never annocue the presence and show up unannounced. These "funky" emotions never show in and show out. No! What they do is to slowly creep in and embrace you gently until one day, you wake up and notice There s nothing much you can do to fight it, so you might as well bask in its "glory". And that's exactly what happened to me. Since I no longer believed in God, I couldn't fight it. I felt as if I deserved this, and it was my fault since no one could love me and wanted to be my friend. This depression led me straight to suicidal thoughts at just the tender age of eight. Shocking huh?