During my time at camp, I got to have a lot of firsts. The main one being, my first real encounter with God and also my first time on a rickety bridge, but that's insignificant.
The events leading up to my encounter are a bit hazy I must say. And I think that was because I was so distracted by my first ever crush (who still is my crush up to this day) Aayan Stevenson.
He was everything a six year old girl could want at that time even though he was older than me. It was easier for me to like him, because we grew up together. Our parents were friends, so it felt natural for me to develop feelings towards him.
For the entire duration of camp, my mind was solely focused on him so much so that I forgot my real purpose for coming.
My encounter begun in the last night of our stay. The songs that were sung are still vivid in my mind. I remember sitting at the second seat (btw I have a thing for sitting at the center of the church I feel closer to God there in my opinion) in a small church on the camp grounds. A dance group was performing and the song that they were dancing to was Thank You for Giving to the Lord by Ray Boltz.
Before I continue, I'd like to say that before entering the church, I had a heart of stone. I had completely forgotten the true meaning of Christianity, and my sole focus was on living the perfect life as a church girl and creating a name for myself. I loved the attention and praise I got for being good.
A couple minutes into the song, I felt something come over me. I don't know how to explain it. My whole body was covered in chills. With goosebumps running up my arms, I begun to zone out my environment.
Soon all I could focus on was God and myself. I had felt the spirit come over me, and that was an experience I would never forget. With tears in my eyes, I began repenting and asking for forgiveness. I told God everything and gave him full control.
After service was done, I remember leaving that place a changed person. I was no longer the same. All this happened at the age of seven.
Prior to that, my father had left become a missionary to go start a church in Belize, without the permission of our mother church.
I felt neglected. Although i had my mom there it just wasnt the same without my father because i was his baby girl. because of this, I begun to act out. I expressed myself through disobedience in order to get the attention I need. Looking back, although that was never the best choice, I don't regret what happens, because my past and my mistakes has shaped the wonderful young woman I am today. And there's a reason why I say that.
2 Corinthians 12:5-10
[5]Of such an one will I glory: yet of myself I will not glory, but in mine infirmities.
[6]For though I would desire to glory, I shall not be a fool; for I will say the truth: but now I forbear, lest any man should think of me above that which he seeth me to be, or that he heareth of me.
[7]And lest I should be exalted above measure through the abundance of the revelations, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I should be exalted above measure.
[8]For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me.
[9]And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
[10]Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then I am strong.
When Paul said this, he meant that as Christians, we should take pride in our weaknesses and pasts. By acknowledging what we gone through and our mistakes, we as children are able to overcome properly and put the devil to shame.
However, if we try to run from the fact that we've sinned and made mistakes, then we giving power to the devil, because he knows that we are ashamed of what we are and who we are. He also knows that we are afraid of people knowing our past, and he uses this to his advantage and then we can easily slip into our old lifestyle.
Yes we may have done things that are and can be very shameful, but I believe that as children of God, when we enter into his grace, and we have been forgiven, we no longer need to be ashamed of what we've done, because God loves us and he doesn't dwell on the on the past.
So even though I made mistakes, I'm happy those were made because now I know that I can't go back to doing the same old thing again, and when I reflect on my past, I will learn from my mistakes and move on.
Note: I already had this chapter written, so I decided to give you guys a treat by publishing it, because it never made sense to just withhold it from my lovely supporters. Also I want to thank each and everyone of you for the support and encouragement in my book.
May God bless each and every single one of you. Jeremiah 29:11
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