In Between

Chapter 5

After the christmas holidays, we started primary school. It was the first day, and although we wore uniforms, I was dressed to impress. First impressions are lasting impressions always remember that! I was a young girl on a mission, determined to make new friends, and have people like me.

But all those dreams came crashing down the minute I walked through the gate. Of course people were fascinated with me, because I'm the new girl. Who wouldn't be fascinated by someone they never saw the first day. Everything was peaches and cream until I was asked to introduce myself. The minute I opened my mouth,and gave a little debrief, I instantly regretted it,  because after the bullying begun.

I was in standard two when we moved here so when we started this new school, I just continued from where I left off. The first week was fine. I was doing some what good in school and had made some fake friends who I thought were loyal. By the second week, it was a disaster. I wanted so badly to make new friends, so I began to do the things they did. I would bully other people who were "lesser" than me, curse, lie, pretend to have things I didn't etc.... Just to make myself look more appealing to them. The sad thing about it is that in the process of doing all this, I lost myself entirely.

My teacher later  called my mom after observing me and told her that the best thing to do was for her to move me back to standard one, because: 1) I was struggling with the work and wouldn't be able to catch up even though I am a bright child and 2) the company I was keeping were influencing me to behave differently. My mom then made the decision to put me in class with my brother so he could keep an eye on me and of course I got an earful about the company I keep and how I wasn't raised that way. To say I took whatever was said that day would be a lie. It went through one ear and came out the next. I didn't care about what she said and I hated my mom for moving me back.

When I started school the next day, the friends I had began disappearing like a fog. Slowly but surely they left one by one. Many excuses were made as to why they couldn't hang out with me until eventually I wouldn't even see them and when I did, they would avoid me like a plague. It hurted because I thought they were my friends. Now that the tables were turned, and I was no longer on top,  I began to feel and experience all the pain and hurt that I had put on others. The same people I  called friends became my tormentors. Finally I was dished what I used to serve, and I deserved it a lot.

Anyone who knows me, knows that Ihave a very exuberant personality. I am your all round sweetheart until you do me dirty. That's when I become savage. Just because I'm opinionated, and outgoing at times, people have majority of the time mistaken me for a talker. Yes I do love talking don't get me wrong but there are some days when I have a complete shutdown. Also, I'm not one to voice out my feelings or emotions. Granted I'll be there to give you advice when you'regoing through tough times but if I had to be the one in the "seat" I would never talk at all. So when I was being bullied, I never really vocalize it to my mom. Why? Simply because I preferred to go through things alone and I'm not good at expressing myself well.

Every single day I was at school I would get bullied about the colour of my skin, texture of my hair, my race etc... I tried to not let them get to me, but eventually they did. Since my bother and I were in the same boat, mom eventually found out and she began talking to us about it. Majority of the time, her main topic was that they were jealous of us. I did believe her at first, but then I stopped. I stopped believing her because it just didn't make sense. As my mother I expected her to come to my school and speak to the principal and teachers in order to find out the problem. Not sit a talk to me about being jealous of me because only talking won't help actions do also. For that I hated her. If she loved me like she claimed to do, I believed that she should at least go to my school.

I never really understood how a person could tell someone who is getting bullied that your bullies are jealous of you.  And this wasn't a once in a while I'll pick on you type of thing. No! This was an everyday event, where I would constantly get bullied and come home in tears because I couldn't take it. Then for my own mother to tell me they're jealous of me and not do anything else was a blow to the face. She was just adding insult to injury in my eyes.