Second Boys Will Be First Choice (A Brallon Fanfic)

Don't Gamble At Love, You'll Never End Up With a Full House

July 3rd, 2009

"Ryan I'm sorry I didn't mean it!" I plead, trying to convince him of something he'll never believe.

"You wouldn't have said it if you didn't mean it." I cringe at the way he says it.

"Ryan, I love you, but I'm not going to end the band, this band is my life, it's yours too Ry..."

"I thought I was your life Brendon, if this band means more to you than our relationship I don't want to be a member of it." The edge in his voice makes my heart swell in anguish. 

"Ry please you don't mean this." I try and make my voice soothing but it cracks.

"I'm not living a lie anymore Brendon! If you won't admit this, I'm not going to be able to stand being here with you. If all this is to you is some fucking act for the stage then I'm done. I'm out. We're over Brendon, I'm leaving." The anger in his voice slips far away into another universe slowly but surely being replaced with resolve. 

"Ry," I choke out, "please you don't know what you're saying." I walk toward him but he picks up an empty bottle from the counter.

"Stay the hell away from me Brendon, I'm done." I try again to walk to him and he throws the bottle. It hits the wall and shatters against the tiles, throwing shards across the floor, shattering my heart across the tiles at the same time. I watch frozen as he marches out of the kitchen towards the bedroom. I step to follow him and my foot grazes a piece of glass, I trip over the sudden pain and my hands hit more shards. My elbows give out, dropping my stomach into seeds of glass along with the rest of my body. I hear a closet door slam and the world starts to  spin around me, the kitchen becoming a blur. I think about all the 'I love yous' and hugs and concerts where are voices mashed together in a perfect harmony. I feel the tears start cascading down my face like a waterfall while my chest shakes violently, pushing my skin deeper into the glass littering the floor. Blood  begins to soak into my t-shirt. Footsteps echo down the silent hall, bouncing through the house, mocking me. I hear him getting closer to the door and in desperate attempt, I shakily and tearfully sing, "I know the world's a broken bone, but melt your headaches, call it home." loud enough for Ryan to hear.

"Fuck you." Is all he says. 

I shut my eyes and feel them pouring until I pass out.

. . .

My eyes open up to a white ceiling. My vision doesn't focus for a few minutes as I remember what happened. 'I know all good things must come to end, but I never thought love applied.' I glance down at my chest, it's covered by a hospital gown. My eyes roll to my left hand and I see stitches. The pain begins to manifest itself back into my line of sensations. I let out a cry and a tortured shake goes down my chest. I hear the door open and my eyes focus on the face that walks in. "Jon..?"

"Hey Brendon." I heard a little pain in his voice as he pulls a chair next to me

"welcome to the end."

"The nurse wants to talk to you but you're going to be fine. Brendon what happened..?"

"I don't think I was ever in love at all." I swallow uneasily, my throat dry to a near cruel extent.

"Maybe he was the one who was never in love." Jon speaks as if he's known this all along.

'Why didn't you ever say anything then dammit?' I think, instead I ask, "Do you think people will figure out what happened?"

"Not if I leave too."

"I don't follow."

"I'll leave with Ryan so nobody will think anything of it." He says this confidently which throws my kilter further off. 

"Jon, I can't let you do that."

"Brendon, I want to have kids and get married and I've realized I can't tour forever."

"Do you really want to stop now?" I feel the band crashing down around me, my life crashing down around me. 'Maybe I should call a doctor in to resuscitate my life.' He smiles down at the ground, it's peaceful and easy and best of all it's real. I've been jealous of that smile since I met him. 

 "Just don't replace us too fast okay?"

"I wish I would have known... maybe it would have ended differently." I sigh, having no energy left within me to try and convince him to stay.

"But the ending is the worst part."

"Nothing bad can happen after something ends." I say trying to assure myself more than him.

"That's a trick of life, just because one thing ends doesn't mean anything else stops." That wise-ass look in his eyes breaks my heart further, down to the core. 

"When I die, say that at my funeral and then resurrect me."

He raises his eyebrow and laughs. "I'll see what I can do."

"If I can't control anything else in life at least I can control my own ending." My anxiety spins out slowly by surely as the events of one short day start kicking in.

"Nothing's worse than knowing how it ends Brendon."