You, You, You

RED FINCHES AND ROBINS

Eddie’s P.O.V.

                The kisses were escalating quickly, breathy and fever-pitched.  We both knew that if we didn’t stop now, we would not be stopping, possibly for a span of two or three days straight.  They say when you love someone purely, you fall in love with their mind—the physicality is just an extension.  If this was love, what an extension…
                Suddenly, when Izzy leaned into my kiss so strongly that I toppled backwards to the floor, her hand behind my head so it wouldn’t hit the floor and her body now hovering lightly over mine, my internal monologue started going full speed.  And it wouldn’t shut up.

 -I’ve got to tell her.  I’ve got to tell her now, before this goes any further.
                -But she’ll think you’re crazy.
 -I am crazy.  Maybe she is, too.
                -She won’t believe you.  She’ll think you’re making fun of her. Or just lying.
-No, this isn’t right.  She’ll believe me.  I have to tell her. 
                -Don’t do it, you’ll both get hurt.

                “Fuck…” I said, perhaps a little too forcefully, between kisses.
                “Oh my God, did I hurt you?  What is it?”  Izzy withdrew a tiny bit and looked at my face with concern.  My hands flew up to smooth her hair and cheek.
                “No, no, no, I am more than okay.  You didn’t do anything.  It’s just… Izzy, I have to tell you something and it’s really—“
                “Jesus Christ, you have a girlfriend.  Don’t you.  Oh my god, what am I doing,” she spit out at a mile a minute, instantly backing away from me about three feet.  She sat with her back to the front of the couch, hugging her knees that she tucked up to her chest.
                “Shhhhh, Isabelle, I do not have a girlfriend.  I promise you that.  Come here,” I reassured her and pulled her back to me by the waist.  I kept my hand there, just above her hip, gently stroking her side.  She already reacted badly, and I was apprehensive to speak further.  But I had to.
                “You’re sure?  You’re absolutely positive?  Because I swear if I find out—“
                “Iz… Iz, just breathe.  I’m sorry I scared you, but ask any of the guys.  I definitely am without girlfriend.”  I managed to squeeze out a chuckle.  This seemed to calm her and she smiled weakly and relaxed into my embrace.
                “O-okay.  Then what is it?”  She looked at me then with so much beauty and acceptance in her expression that I felt a rush in my stomach.  
                “Um… well, there’s something you should know about a dream I had—well a dream I’ve had lots of times.”
                “You’re kidding me.  Don’t even…”
                “Just, let me get this out okay?  I feel awkward enough as it is, and I hope you can believe me, Isabelle…”  She sighed slowly and blinked at me.
                “I think I could believe anything you told me, Eddie.  Go on, please don’t be scared.”  I took a deep breath.
                “All right.  So, um, when I moved to Seattle, I spent a lot of time visiting the National Park…”

Eddie’s Dream

                There is a cabin in the woods.  Every time I walk up to it, there is already firelight glowing from inside and sweet-smelling smoke rising up from the tiny chimney.  A shadowy figure crosses behind the curtains in the window and I always do the same thing.  I walk up to the door, knock twice and the door opens all by itself, revealing a direct view of the roaring fireplace.  I remove my shoes and step inside.  
                There is incense burning in the corner.  There are tiny white wildflowers in mason jars scattered across windowsills and on bookshelves filled with volumes of my favorite authors.  The place smells of pine, woodsmoke, nag champa and old paperbacks.  There is a record player to my right, the record spinning and the needle skipping to play the same words over and over again… “Is it in my head—Is it in my head—Is it in my head…”  It’s The Who.  It’s one of my favorites off of Quadrophenia.  “Is it in my head or in my heart?”
                I don’t see the mystery figure from the window anywhere, so I hold still and listen for movement.  There are birds chirping outside.  I can see them through one of the windows.  Red finches and robins.  Then I notice gentle humming coming from a mostly closed door to my left.  There is yellow light flickering in the cracks between door hinges.  There are candles burning in that room.  The humming grows louder as I make my way to the door.  The voice is female, deep and rich.  I slowly push the door open and stand in the doorway.
                She is standing there, her back to me, lighting another candle next to the edge of a filled bathtub.  She is stunning.  She wears nothing but a pair of white lace panties and the smooth, radiant skin of her back.  Her hair comes down past her shoulder blades, twisted and wild, like a curtain of earth-colored vines.  She is beautiful.  She is humming the same tune as the song skipping on the record player.  I go to her.
                She sings the last line of the song as she begins to turn around, holding up something she has in her hand.
                “I see a man without a problem,” she sings.  She finishes turning around and faces me straight on, holding up a mirror in front of her face.  
                I see me.
                I see my father standing right behind me.
                I wake up.