You, You, You

PEARL CONTROL, SPIN JAM

Whatever fairy tale coma Eddie and I were lost in as we lay facing one another in the bed was abruptly shattered by the sound of party animals about to burst in on us.  We heard them coming from far enough away to get our clothes back on in the nick of time.  Then the door to my room, which I had neglected to lock, flew open with a bang.

“MEDUSAA-aa-AA,” an obviously tipsy Jamie called into the room in a sing-song voice.  Once she focused her wandering eyes on Eddie and I sitting on the edge of the bed together, her jaw absolutely dropped.

“Waaait.  Izzy, your cheeks are flushed.  His hair is all rumpled,” she said, pointing her finger at Eddie like a little kid tattling.  “His hair is rumpled and your cheeks are flushed!”  Nice subtlety, James.

“Yes, you said that… twice,” I smiled at her and stood up.

“But—but that can only mean…” She trailed off, her jaw still gaping.  Just then Stone appeared beside her in the doorway, handing her a beer and popping one open for himself with a smirk.

“Hey, Ed, your hair’s all fucked up,” he said, nonchalantly winking.  He didn’t wink at Eddie, though, he winked straight at me.  

“I know, right??” exclaimed Jamie in Stone’s direction.  Then, like a cherry on top of the ice cream that was this ridiculous situation, Jeff’s head comically appeared out of nowhere between Jamie and Stone.  I couldn’t decide which was more laugh-inducing: his shit eating grin or his dumb ass hat!

“Izz-ay!  The badass of the evening!  Hey, your face is all red,” he said, happily clueless.

“Jesus, how old are we?” I muttered under my breath, shaking my head. This is a freaking circus.  Eddie stood up beside me, running his fingers through his tangled curls, looking like he wanted to get the hell out of the room already so everyone would stop staring.  I understood—I was usually fiercely guarded with my private affairs… except for when it came to sharing with Liz. 

“RRGRGRGAWWWW!!!”

Liz?  Is that Liz?

It was like a sitcom scene.  And now to top off the absurdity, I heard Liz’s unmistakable voice growling from down the hall, and she was coming fast.  I could tell she had definitely been drinking, but this wasn’t a problem.  Liz was one of the funniest drunks I had ever had the pleasure of loving like a sister.

“ALL right!  Clear out people!  Lemme throuuugh!  I gotta pow wow with my main squeeze!” she bellowed as she bulldozed her way through Stone, Jamie and Jeff.  “There you are!”

She walked up and gave me a huge hug, actually lifting my feet off the ground for a few seconds, then she turned to Eddie.  She put her hand roughly on his shoulder and looked up at him with her nose in the air.  She’s about to do it.  She’s going to do that ridiculous English accent of hers.  Oh God, this should be good…

“Greetings, Sir Knight of the Fucked Up Hair!  I trust you have taken good care of this fair maiden in my absence!”  The expression on Eddie’s face was one of trying not to spit out a mouthful of liquid, but really he was stifling a gigantic laugh and it was threatening to bust out.  Without even waiting for an answer from him or acknowledging his sudden urge to crack up, Liz went on completely seriously.  “Good!  Delighted!  Excellent work, my son!  But now you must party with us.  No buts, no excuses!  Come, follow me and I will lead you to the Promised Land!” 

With that last sentence, Liz’s English accent had somehow morphed into the drawl of a southern Baptist preacher, and “land” sounded more like “lay-und”… much to everyone’s amusement.  By now everybody, including Eddie, was cackling out loud.  I squeezed Eddie’s hand and we followed everyone out into the main living space of our suite.