DIAMOND KEYS

NINETEEN

I stared at the coffin before the pastor and I shook my head.
   
It can’t be Claire that’s in it.
   
I’d been staring at the coffin since the funeral had begun but I still couldn’t agree with the fact that it was Claire we were gathered to put to rest.
    
The pastor had finished his preaching a long time ago and he’d been calling friends and family of the deceased to come up and say one or two things about her. Her parents had spoken; Dennis, Logan, and Marc too.
    
Clay was speaking now. “…It’s true what they say that you never know what you have till it’s gone. It’s not like I didn’t love Claire, I did. But I always took advantage of her presence,” he sniffed the tears back in, “but now that she’s no longer here, I realize how much value she had in my life, she was the one that cheered us up when we were down, she pushed us to do things we were afraid to do, she kept on smiling even when she was sick.” He brought out his handkerchief from his pocket and wiped his face. “She was so beautiful and I also took advantage of that, telling her that her beauty was artificial, but now I regret that. I miss her so much and I am not ashamed to admit it now. Sometimes I imagine that she’ll appear and tease me about missing her but that’s not possible since she’s…she’s… dead.”
    
I jerked when I heard that final word. I had not heard the word since the past five days. Mum and Nathan had been so careful not to mention the word around me and I was grateful for that.
    
I just couldn’t blame anyone anymore; we were all going through the same agony and pain. I had let go of some of my anger these past few days with the help of mum… and maybe Nathan. I had realized that it would be very selfish of me to be angry. What about her family, her mum? Mrs. Taylor had cried throughout her speech. What would mum have done it was me?
     I looked at Clay, he looked like the whole world was on his shoulders and I was sure that looking at him would be like looking at my reflection. I hadn’t seen any of my friends since that day; we had kept to ourselves and mourned individually. This was the first time I was seeing them in five days.

“May the Lord bless you Mr. Hollister.” the pastor said softly. “Miss Harmon would you like to say something about your beloved friend?”
    
I nodded.
    
Nathan placed a reassuring hand on my arm. I just looked at him and turned to mum who smiled at me.
    
I walked to the front of the small gathering in the grave yard. I was wearing a short black dress and black sandals; this time, my hair was packed up in a bun. Claire would have killed me, if only she could see me. Oh Claire, now I am willing to hear her criticisms. I pulled myself together and cleared my throat.

“I’ve never lost someone this close to me. I had never known that it affected the things we do. I had never known how it feels like. When I wake up each morning, I think it’s all a nightmare, and then I discover it’s not. All I see is her smiling face, even in the mirror. Claire is ….was the person I told everything, she was ready to listen to you at all times.

"Even on her deathbed, she cared for others, more than she did herself. Honestly, I can’t picture a world without Claire; her memories keep flashing in my mind.” I left the tears to fall down my cheeks slowly. “I do not know who I’d share my pains with, Claire always had a listening ear. I hate myself more for letting her go….for not realizing that it would be the last time I’d see her that day when I’d gone to get tea. Like, how am I supposed to go on without her? I just hope I’ll continue to feel her presence even though I can’t see her. I hope her memories will forever remain in my heart.” I walked to the coffin and placed my hand on it. “I love you so much Claire and I know you wouldn’t want us to be sad, but it’s hard not to be.” I looked up to face the little audience again.

“I’ve learnt so much from Claire and one is that the future is the home of our deepest fear and wildest hopes, but one thing is certain, when it finally reveals itself, the future is never what we imagined. I hope the future holds good things for us and we’ll be happy as Claire would want us to be.”I bent to kiss the closed coffin. “You might be gone but  I know your spirit will remain here with us. We will never forget you love. God bless you darling, rest in peace!”
    
I ran to hug mum who was already on her feet with her arms opened.

“That was a good one, baby.” She whispered in my ears.

“Thank you and God bless you, Miss. Harmon” the pastor said.

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Love,
Prisca.