Insecure (Bts ff Yoongi)

Chapter 3

I yawn and stretch my arms as a harsh knock was heard on my door. I get up from my desk and walk down stairs. I unlock the door and open it receiving a big hug. I pull back to see Hana.  "I still didn't tell you, you could be here" She rolls her eyes smiling. "But your glad I came"

We entered the living room and she looked around seeing in blank as ever. "Cmon, why do you never decorate it. We could paint the whole entire house different colors and get you some nicer furniture." She spoke looking at my modern black and white ascetic.  I look at her tilting my head. "Your really think I'll do that, You know I hate color" She looks at me. "I know but I don't see why"

If only you knew that you were my only hope in this life. I looked at her as she made herself comfortable on the couch. "Would you like something to drink?" I said being the awkward person I am. She laughed covering her mouth with her hand. "That was the most awkward you've ever been" I gave her a small smile as I sat next to her. "You know, why did you come over here when we have nothing to do?" I ask her staring into her chestnut eyes. She smiled. "I brought Anime! And also you said I could show you Bts" I sighed before nodding ok. 

Hana whips out her phone that was covered with a dark purple case which had"Try Me" Imprinted on it. She typed something up and nudged closer to me putting her phone out for me to read the screen.

We watch a video of this so called Bts and they seem interesting. Too hyper and loud for me. I sigh as the video of the 7 boys end and Hana looks at me excited waiting for my response. I just shrug and she looks down and pouts. "You know, there is a fan meeting and I got 2 tickets for us..... you'll still come right" I sigh and roll my eyes before smiling. "I'll only come for you" She seems to brighten up at this response.

"So if you had to pick, which member is your favourite?" I think of all of the members before remembering one that seemed a bit like me. "Yoongi" She smirks. "You've just made a new ship" We both laugh as Hana starts loading an Anime CD. Then we watch Anime for the rest of the night whilst eating snacks. Life Goals.

-Time Skip-

I wake up to the buzz of my alarm clock at 8 in the morning. "Urgh, why do I even set an alarm?" I remember my reason. "Oh yeah, so I can think of a reason to get out of bed before dinner" I think about whats been going on around me. I search for my phone of the side desk and turn it on.  There wasn't really anything new. On Instagram Hana had posted something about that Bts fan meeting which was in 2 days. It was a Monday, therefore I have my job as a waiter at the restaurant downtown. However, my shift doesn't start until 3pm and then it drags on until 10pm. I just registered it last night. It was a late minutes plan because Hana said I should actually work for once. So I took her offer.

I walked down stairs and to the fridge hearing my stomach growl like a aggressive being. I look down towards my stomach feeling like it had it's own plan that I didn't know about. "You really are forcing me to starve myself aren't you?" I sigh before closing the fridge and making my way to the bathroom were I quickly took a shower, brushed my teeth and hair. I took a look at the razor I left near the sink. Blood still staining the glimmering metal. I picked the handle up hovering it over my skin before placing it back in the cupboard. And with that, I walk to my room pulling out an outfit. It was just a plain grey t-shirt, leather jacket, leggings, timberland's and a black cap.With doing all my morning tasks, I grab my bag and start packing for my journey. I place my phone in the bag along with my purse, photo card of family and I hesitate before grabbing my razor and shoving it at the bottom.  Swinging the bag over my shoulder I look back at the time too see in read 11am. Back down stairs, I perch myself on the armchair and turn on the TV for once, watching the news. It started talking about Bts's new song called Idol so I turn off the TV staring out the window at the careful tapper of the soft rain on the window pane.

Thinking about the weather I pull out a white umbrella sitting in the closet. I dust it of a bit and place it next to my bag ready for me too go. I sat on the chair looking around the room hopelessly. I must say I was bored but I soon became distracted by the events I've witnessed in my life time. The bad ones. The good ones. The ones that changed my life for good or worse. The event that made my whole life crash down. I shake my head shaking me out of the negative pool I was drowning in. Better look ahead at the future. right? But it's hard. Hard shaking away all the hardships I've been through to get here. 

-Time Skip-

I entered the restaurant with a small ring of the bell and I look around seeing the restaurant reasonably quiet. Expected at 3. A lady comes over to me smiling. Her short brown hair brushing her shoulders and her lips curved into a smile made me feel welcomed. "Welcome, how may I help you on this wonderful afternoon?" She greets me with a bow which I return. "I'm here to start my first work shift" She nods remembering. "Ah yes, this way miss. I must say thank you. We are running low on waiters so I'm very thankful to have a new employee at the last minute" I smile at her. "Here is an apron and tray, your job is too take orders and return them back to the counter and you could probably always allow on that girl there, Miyuki to take them back to the kitchen. There is also the pickup desk where food will be placed from the kitchen. Each plate of food will have a certain number attached to. You just have to deliver to the correct table number" I nod understanding. "Are you ready?" I keep simple with just the nod of my head and she walks away rushing behind the counter. I take the tray and walk towards a table were they are placing down the menu talking to each other. I arrive at the table where a couple, a girl and boy sit. "Excuse me, are you ready to order?" I say poiletly smiling and the boy looks up smiling whilst turning his head back to the girl. "Yes please, may we have the Fish and Chips with an lemonade and a Steak and veg with just plain water" I jot their order and say to them that there drinks will arrive shortly. The night goes smoothly, gaining a little bit more busy later on in the night. And soon I'm exiting into the cool night atmosphere

I hug my shoulders as I hold a strong grip around the umbrella handle. The calming tapper of the rain bouncing on the top of the umbrella calms my heart. I should probably say I have more than just depression. I do occasionally get Anxiety and I do not do well with closed in spaces. I'm claustrophobic. Then I do starve myself but that's my stomachs fault. Mainly, I get lost in my own thoughts. 

The coldness was bitter but I wasn't cold, I guess because my heart was already freezing me too death. But the wind brushed against my skin sending a shiver down my spine. A giggle interrupted my thoughts as my gaze went towards a cheerful young woman talking on the phone smiling and giggling. She kinda reminded me of........Min-seo. Min-seo was my sister. The same sister that protected me. The same sister that held me in her embrace 1 year ago. The same sister that left me in the darkness when she passed away.. I looked down at the floor feeling my emotions take the best of me. I quicken my pace when realizing my breathing rapid.

Finally, I reach my home and open the door almost collapsing.Must be a panic attack. I think as I stumble over to the kitchen grabbing the nearest water supplying at taking a drink. Once refreshed, I make my way back to the couch and flop down on it. It's late. 11. And without realizing the walls of my vision are caving in with darkness I fall into a slumber. Sleeping. Sleeping is nice. When your not me. With me sleeping is torture. A place where all my biggest fears can become reality. But no one will no in the morning. When I wake up from the terrors I experienced. Weak and defenseless in sleep. Mute in the day. I don't talk about my "dreams". I'm afraid what people will do. My "good" dreams are probably bad for most people. But my nightmare, Oh jesus. They are something else.