Insecure (Bts ff Yoongi)

Chapter 8

I looked over to the door seeing a head peer through the crack. I looked down at the mess I had made and then returned my gaze to the door. "Wh-wh-hu-a-d-th-Why?" A voice comes through and the figure walks into the room. Hana. Why was she here? She looked down with worry and tears began forming in her eyes. "No no no no no no no, not again, never again" She mutters looking into my eyes and pulling me into a tight embrace.

We were like that for a while and I couldn't help but think as I felt my shoulder getting wet because of Hana's tears. Someone knows, someone found out. They found a crack in my hard skin and found the reality inside.A tear fell from my eye as Hana pulled back still holding to my shoulders.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Her voice cracked staring at my face wiping away a tear with her thumb. "I didn't want to hurt you" I say motionlessly. "I'm not scared, nor disappointed. I-I've lost someone this......" Hana's voice  trails of her eyes tearing up more but she quickly rubs the water works away.

I look at my hands again, seeing them a bit damaged with a few strokes of blood on my skin. Haqna seems to catch my gaze and quickly pull me away downstairs to clean up.

-Time Skip-

I'm seated on the couch with a bowl of homemade soup at my knees. Hana watches TV but I can't help but notice her sneaking glances in my direction. It's silent like no one dares to speak about the secret that's been revealed. Hana sighs causing my head to swing round in her direction. I'd never realized it but her eyes were still watering.

"I-I don't like this, your doing a bad thing to yourself" A tear travels out her eye. I open my mouth but nothing comes out. "I lost someone this way, someone I had close to me" I looked at her as she was still staring into another dimension. "They seemed fine, they smiled, they were happy but at the same time they weren't. And I just watched and went along with the strange events of finding blood in the bathroom or the odd razor here and there. Until one day he went missing and was found dead. He was my brother. And it's my fault he died. I didn't stop him!" Hana screamed tears rapidly falling, rolling down her cheeks. 

I placed my bowl on the table and got up, walking over to Hana. I hugged her once more. "I don't want to die, I live for you. I've never said this but.... your the magnet keeping me attracted to the world, if not I would drift of into the universe." She looks up at me wiping her eyes and hugging me back. A small smile was on her lips, but it was hidden pain. "Why do you do it though? I never got to know why my brother chose the choice of death" I sighed looking away as she looked at me curiously. 

"I'm sorry ok? I lost everyone close to me and I feel like I don't belong here anymore. There isn't words to describe what I've been through. A constant ringing in my head. A repeating pain in my memories. I've always been the girl in the shadow, breaking down without anyone knowing. But then I found you, and I tried to be happy. I tried for you. I smiled which was something new but they were all just a cover to hide the true self. Although, I lied about my feelings I just wanted you to be happy. I wanted us to be happy with no problems. And now I've dragged you into this downwards spiral mess. It's like you found the staircase that I'm stuck down and your reaching out a helping hand. But I refuse to take it. I shouldn't have got you involved with something like this. These are my problems. There isn't time to fix me." I look back at Hana seeing her face with a small frown with more tears. 

"I never knew someone could express there feelings like that, I'm so sorry!" She sobbed as I sat back down. "Sorry for what?" I asked. "Sorry for not noticing" I felt bad. She's blaming it on herself, just like with her brother. "I didn't want you to notice so it wasn't your fault. And don't worry I'm not thinking of going anywhere, anytime soon" This made her head slowly turn upwards and she smiled at me wiping the tears of her cheeks. "Thank you"

We sat there in a comfortable silence. I had finally got nothing to hide from my best friends. We knew everything about each other. I didn't have to have the pain of hiding the hurtful feeling I have inside me anymore. After a while, a movie played and we both sat there clearing away our puffy eyes and tear stained faces. The moon outside gave a small light to the room and the wind was nothing but a soft tickle in the chimney. "You can always tell me" Hana whispers as I look to see her looking at me. I nod smiling. "Trust me, I have nothing else to hide"

Well this was a little emotionally. Hope you enjoyed! :)