That's Just Life

That's Just Life- Dear future self

Christmas hasn't always been my favourite time of year. My first few Christmases in Canada were especially hard because we lived on an island so flights out of the country were mega expensive so I wasn't able to see my family and friends around the time of year that I missed them most.
I was up in the attic getting the Christmas decorations down when I came across a box of my stuff from my parent's house, that they gave me when they moved to BC.
Inside was my union jack flag that my friends had signed for me when I went to Canada, a few picture frames, a scrap book that my friends had made me for my first birthday in Canada and a shallow, square white box with a cream silk ribbon around it with a label on it that said 'Memories to keep'. I remember my mother giving me this box when I was young but I don't remember what I ever used it for? It must have something important inside it because I still have it, and I wouldn't have kept it if it weren't important.
Feeling curious Isla lifted the lid of the box to find a bunch of pieces of paper inside they were hand written letters. She picked up the one from the top and started to read it.
Dear future self,
                                It's easy for you because you get gradual changes and you have that safety net that if you don't like the way things work out you get to go back, you get to expand your circle of people but I can't. I have to make it work here because I don't get to go back, so I thought that it'll be okay I can expand my circle too, I can keep my friends in England and make new ones here, so I did that but half my circle in England is shrinking because they're moving on and leaving the memory of me behind and when I do go back they won't know me, we won't be close anymore. It'll be like seeing that cousin that you haven't seen in ages and it's really awkward. That makes me sad because I never had a choice if I wanted to leave, I just had to do it and be okay with it.
I do have friends here but I still feel like an outsider and when I say I'm lonely it's a different kind of lonely because I'm not one of them anymore but I'm not one of these people either I'm stuck in the middle, all on my own.
I hope you're doing well.
Love,
Past you x
All of the memories came flooding back, a waterfall of emotions washed over her as she sat on the floor of the attic with the letter in her hand. She began to remember the joy, the sadness, the laughter and loneliness that she had once experienced. The happiness she felt with the new friends she had made in Canada and the heartbreak of the ones she had left behind.
A single tear slid down her cheek as she looked up from the page.
She sniffled and wiped away the tear on her cheek, stood up and moved the box aside so she could reach the Christmas decorations.
As Isla was bringing the box of decorations downstairs the doorbell rang. "Just a minute", she sung out to whoever was waiting for her at the door.
"It's me, Aaron", he said.
"Come in", she shouted back struggling with the box of decorations.
Aaron walked in and immediately spotted Isla struggling with the box, "Here let me help you with that", he said taking the box from Isla.
"Thanks hon", she said picking up the lights out of the box.
Isla stood on the chair putting up the Christmas lights around the perimeter of the room. "I'm really looking forward to spending Christmas with you this year"; she said carefully placing the stream of lights against the ceiling.
"Yes me too, ya know I was talking to my sister last night..."
Isla stretched over a little more to reach the lights to the corner of the room.
"Yah, she was saying that she was going to extend her stay so she could spend Christmas with us".
'CHRUNCH', Isla dropped the lights in shock almost slipping off the chair.
"Oh no are you okay?" Aaron said picking up the lights off the floor.
"Yes I'm fine", she said stepping off the chair feeling a little dizzy.
"Only if it's okay with you?" Aaron continued.
"Yes, why wouldn't it be?" Isla said forcing a smile on her face.
"She said that she was really looking forward to getting to know you"
"Mm hm", she said still faking the smile when really inside she was about ready to cry.
"Well I think your lights are done with, all the bulbs are broken I think we're gonna need to get new ones", he said placing them to the side to see what else was in the box of decorations. "Hey what's this", Aaron said picking up a handmade Christmas photo frame with multiple pictures in, of a group of friends.
"My friends in Canada made it for me, for Christmas one year", she said smiling and placing it on the fireplace.
"That's nice, do you still keep in contact with them?"
"Some of them but we kinda drifted apart after we graduated, we all wanted different things.
Apart from this one", she said pointing at a girl with dark, wavy long hair and bright blue eyes. "Her name is Kaelyn, we went to college together in Ottawa, she was my best friend".
"Was?" Aaron questioned.
"She entered the music industry and we lost contact, she's either a big star or married and has kids, or somewhere in between"
"Do you miss her?"
"Yes, I miss all of them. That last year of high school was the only part I actually enjoyed before that I never really had many friends"
"Who's this one?" Aaron said pointing to a tall looking guy with slight orange hair.
"That's Mark he's one of the first people that reached out to me when I arrived he was one of my only friends before I met the rest of them, even though we didn't go to the same school"
"So how did you guys meet?"
"We did explorers together"
"NO WAY?! You were an explorer scout?!"
"Yup same as those two there", Isla said pointing to two other guys one with longish hair and the other with glasses.
"That one is Ivan and that one is George"
"And who are these girls?" He said pointing to three girls stood with their arms around each other.
"That one is Jasmine", she said pointing to the shorter girl with long red hair, "That one Is Rosie", she said pointing the tallest of the three, "and that one is Stephanie, she's definitely the wildest of the three", she said smiling.
"Sounds like a good bunch of people", he said putting his arm around her.
"Yah they really are", she said cuddling into him.
"Wait who's this one?" He said pointing to a tall mysterious guy with dirty blonde hair and piercing green eyes but also had a contradicting yet convincing smile on his face.
"That's...", Isla looked lost as she was thinking of the words to describe this person. "He's no one he was only apart of the group for a short while"
At the store shopping for Christmas lights it wasn't that busy being the day before Christmas eve, however the right people have a funny way of showing up in places they are not wanted most.
"I'm just gonna go pick up some batteries for the dancing Santa, I'll meet you In the lights aisle in a bit", Aaron said.
"Okay".
Isla walked down the aisle carefully looking at all the different lights, the different colours and the different shapes until she found the exact ones she was looking for. She bent down to pick up the box of lights from the bottom shelf but someone got there first, she looked up to see who the stranger was but to her surprise it was no stranger at all.
"Lillian", she said with a slightly scared look on her face.
"Isla it's so good to see you again", she said with an unsettling friendly smile on hers.
"Oh cut the crap Lillian, you bloody well know who I am so don't pretend otherwise and I'd really appreciate it if u could tell Aaron that you know who I am too!"
"Oooh I'd love to but ya see the thing is I really love revelling in other peoples discomfort more, so yah I just don't think I will"
"Lillian, fancy seeing you here", Aaron said approaching from behind.
"Brother, I was just saying the same thing to your beautiful girlfriend here, isn't she delightful", she said smiling wickedly.
"She sure is he said putting his arm around her and kissing her on the forehead"
"In fact she is so lovely that she was just inviting me to spend Christmas with you"
"Is that so?" Aaron said smiling at Isla.
"Yes and she even said I could stay over night on Christmas Eve so we can all open presents together on Christmas morning, just like when we were kids"
"Oh that's sounds like a great idea", Aaron said.
Isla rolled her eyes and muttered to herself, "That seems like an awful long conversation to have had in under 3 minutes"
"Well I better get going. I'll be looking forward to Christmas, toodles", Lillian said looking over her shoulder, waving goodbye as she walked away.
That evening Isla was in bed looking through the box of letters until she came to one in particular it was slightly torn and some of the words were smudged like some kind of liquid had been splattered over it in certain places.
Dear Future self,
                                   I'm not going to lie I wasn't happy with him but I don't know what's worse feeling like that and knowing that I have him and he loves me or feeling like this and thinking that he never did. I'm sat here so unbelievably confused and frustrated and wanting to text him but I keep having to remind myself not to because no matter how much I hurt and miss him, I know it's not worth it but this is what he wants this is what's going to make him happy so the best thing I can do is pretend to be okay with it.
I wanted to be happy with him but the truth is, I wasn't. Well for a long time I was but then It somehow went away and I began to tell myself that it was normal and that it was okay because I love him, but it wasn't. No relationship that looses compassion is normal, and we as people with human emotions shouldn't be enslaved to those feelings and shouldn't try to normalize it!
That relationship was poisoning me, it was like a drug that was destroying me from the inside out and I gave it up, not that I had a choice, but I did it and yes it was incredibly hard to give it up but I'm happier knowing that I did and I am genuinely a happier person now so I am thankful to him for teaching me how not to love.
Love is not the answer. I hope all your dreams come true
Love past you x
Isla then realized that the smudges on the page were tearstains and thought that this could be why she had never trusted being In a relationship before now, but if this was such a huge milestone in her life then why couldn't she remember more of it?
For the life of her she couldn't even remember the guys name.
Christmas eve morning came around quickly, the risen sun seeping through the gap in the curtain woke Isla who was lying in bed with the tearstained letter still in her hand and the box and other pieces of paper strewn all over the bed.
Then she heard a knock at the door.
"What time is it?!" she thought to herself as she looked at the clock.
"9:50?!"
"It's me Aaron", he said shouting up the stairs.
"I'll be down in a minute!" She shouted back rushing to tidy up the letters and box. She quickly got dressed and went downstairs to greet him.
"Hey, I'm so sorry I went to bed late last night I kinda slept in", she said giving him a hug.
"That's alright", he said as they walked into the kitchen.
"Oh no I was supposed to be getting up early to start cooking so I didn't have to do it all tomorrow", she said looking at all the unprepared food on the counter.
"That's okay that's what I'm here for", Aaron said smiling, "I left my phone in the car I'll be right back, oh and don't forget Lillian will be eating with us too".
"Wait Aaron I need to talk to you about something", she said sighing.
"Can it wait just a second I need to grab my phone to see what time Lillian is arriving", he said.
"Of course", Isla said beginning to cut up the carrots with a sharp knife, "What was I thinking I can't tell him now it'll ruin Christmas but on the other hand it'll mean lying to him for longer, I don't know maybe being in the kitchen all day tomorrow wouldn't be the worst idea", she said still talking to herself.
"Hey girl", Lillian screeched coming through the door followed by Aaron.
Isla's eyes widened and she dropped the knife on the counter startled, "well I guess now I have a little more time to think about it", She muttered to herself.
"Careful with that girl you could cut a finger off ya know", Lillian said smiling.
"I shall remember that for future reference", Isla said smiling back sarcastically.
"Need any help with that?" Lillian said putting on an apron.
"No that's fine I got it", she said continuing to prepare the food.
"Oh nonsense you can't seriously expect to prepare an entire Christmas dinner all by yourself when you have two capable hands right here", she said picking up an extra knife.
"Look at my two favourite girls preparing Christmas dinner together", Aaron said kissing them both on the cheek. "What was it you wanted to tell me Isla?"
"Oh it's nothing it can wait...    would you excuse me for just a moment I have to use the restroom", Isla calmly walked to the bathroom being conscious of who was watching then locked the door behind her and frantically started dialing a phone number on her mobile. As the phone started to ring she turned on the tap at the sink hoping no one would get suspicious.
"Hello, Kate it's me"
"Oh hey Isla, what's up?"
"HELP ME! Lillian is driving me insane! She invited herself over for Christmas and is now making my life a living hell!"
"Well in all the years we've known Lillian we haven't really known her to be much different have we?"
"I guess"
"So you did kinda bring it on yourself when you thought it would be a good idea to date her brother"
"I DIDN'T KNOW Aaron WAS HER BROTHER!"
"Hehe it's so easy to wind you up"
"Kate please!"
"Okay, okay, have you told Aaron yet?"
"Do you think She'd still be a problem if I had?"
"So why don't you just tell him?"
"Because I'm scared he's gonna think I've been lying to him"
"Well you kinda have"
"I know"
"Look the longer you wait to tell him the worse it's gonna be"
"I know I just don't know how to tell him"
"Well what if you don't have to?"
"Go on?"
"What if we beat her at her own game and manipulate her into doing it herself?"
"I'm liking the sound of this"
"We'll be there in 10"
Isla hung up the phone unsure of what the rest of the day might bring and just hoping it didn't end with Lillian in for another win.
As she walked out of the bathroom she saw Aaron and Lillian listening to music, dancing around in the kitchen laughing and baking together and she wondered if this was really worth it because this isn't just about Lillian this is about Aaron too, this is his relationship with his sister that we could potentially be destroying. She knew that she wouldn't be happy if someone had done the same to her and her brother, not that she's really been in contact with her brother much lately but she wouldn't ever want to get in the way of family.
Maybe Lillian has changed maybe she's just looking for a fresh start and maybe I should give her a chance?...
"I know your little secret that you're keeping from Aaron and trust me by the end of this evening it'll no longer be a secret" Lillian whispered slyly as she walked past.
"Maybe not then", Isla gulped nervously.
Later on that day they were all sat in the living room drinking Tea and eating Christmas cookies, when Lillian was trying especially hard to make this Christmas extremely uncomfortable for Isla.
"So Isla how did you guys meet?" Lillian said taking a sip from her tea.
"This is a funny story", Aaron said getting comfortable in his chair. "We actually met through work, I play a character in her TV show at the moment. Not that we knew when we met"
"Yes the first time we actually met was because of his clumsiness I had a stack ton of papers and he wasn't looking where he was going and walked straight into me sending papers flying everywhere", Isla said smiling at him.
"Aw how sweet, so Isla have you been in many serious relationships before?" Lillian said smugly grinning.
Isla froze not knowing how to answer this question because of course Lillian knew the answer to this. The one thing Isla hadn't told Aaron yet. She does know Isla's secret and Isla knows that she will make sure Aaron knows it by the end of this evening!
Then the doorbell rang and Isla was literally saved by the bell.
"Hey guys!" Kate said coming through the door
"Oh hey!" Isla said jumping up to give her a hug
"Merry Christmas everyone!" Kate said smiling.
"Lillian it's so nice to see you again", Kate said giving her a hug.
"You too", Lillian said quietly sounding kind of nervous.
"Where's the other two?" Isla asked
"Oh my fiancée is just parking the car he'll be in with Adam in a minute", She said winking at Isla.
Feeling unsettled by this Lillian decided to get back to doing what she does best, manipulating," So Isla you were telling us about you..."
"Actually Lillian what about you?" Kate said.
"What do you mean?"
"Well weren't you married to some hockey player in Canada?"
"What? Lillian I thought you said he was just a rebound after that James guy broke your heart?!" Aaron said concerned.
Then James (Kate's fiancée entered the room holding their son, Adam), "Did someone say my name?"
"James?!" Lillian stood up shocked.
"Wait hold on THE James?!" Aaron said Confused.
Lillian's face dropped, "You guys are?... and have?..." She said gesturing at the baby.
"Wait you guys already knew each other?" Aaron said looking over at Isla.
"Yes, we've known each other since secondary school", Lillian said looking to the floor still trying to process the new information that she had just learnt about her first love being engaged to someone else.
"Isla, is this true?" He said sounding disappointed.
Isla knew that what she was about to confirm would change everything but what choice did she have? "Yes, I'm sorry"
"I need to get some air", he said placing his drink down on the coffee table and calmly left.
"I should go...", Lillian followed looking James dead in the eye.
Choices in life are there to challenge us not to test us because life was never meant to be easy, Isla did not know if the decisions she had made were right but she did know that there was no going back now. These challenges are to help people grow from their mistakes they're there to help a person's character grow in their life story.
Later that that evening Isla was in bed going trough the box of letters trying to wind down from all the drama when she came across another envelope but unlike all the rest this envelope did not have a letter inside. This envelope carried a secret much bigger. The secret that Lillian was threatening to expose. Inside the envelope was a wedding photo of Isla and the mysterious guy from the photo that Aaron had previously pointed out and just like that everything came back all the memories and feelings she'd tried so hard to forget, and along with any secret came a choice, how, when or if she were to tell Aaron...