Friends Don't, But We Do

10. Standstill

As I get closer to her, she looks up. Her eyes light with recognition and she moves over on the bench to make room for me.

That's a start.

"Hi," I say and sit down. We haven't spoken in months. We haven't had a civil conversation in years.

"Who is that boy you were with?" She asks, voice scratchy like she just smoked a cigarette or five. So she had seen me? I wasn't expecting that to be her first question though.

"Oh that's Nolan Patrick. You don't remember him?" When we were young, we would ride our bikes around the neighborhood block until dark.

She shakes her head. Her hands are shaking in the same way they always did when she was drunk.

"Well I just thought I'd say hi," I say quietly. "How have you been the past few months?"

She starts digging through her purse while I speak, finally pulling out a stray cigarette and lighting up. "I am fine. Have more money now that I don't have to feed an extra mouth."

Of course she had to say that. It's been two years since I've moved out and she still blames me for being her daughter, for being dependent on her. I sigh. "Well that's good," I say as nicely as I can.

"And is your job working out?"

I'm surprised she even asked. I can't get into it with her about me hating my current job, so I tell her it's good and everything is going well.
"See, there was never a need to be a fancy lawyer. You should've listened to me and it would've saved you all that stress."

At risk of this escalating and just hurting my heart even more, I stage an exit. It's getting late anyway and I have work the next morning.

As I walk away with just a bitter goodbye from her, I walk around in circles until I decide to text Nolan.

Where are you?

He answers immediately, saying what store he's been waiting inside. Luckily for me, it's right in front of me.

I go inside and spot him coming my way. "How'd it go?" He asks before he's even caught up to me. He looks genuinely curious and a little bit worried even.

I take a breath and then walk forward into his body. I wrap my arms around his torso and gently press my forehead to his chest. He doesn't hesitate to hug me back around my shoulders. "Was bad?" He whispers.

I sigh and shake my head. "No it was actually better than usual. It's just weird because she's my mom but she doesn't even feel like my mom anymore," I whisper back.

I can feel him nod. He's a guy of few words, but it's exactly what I need right now. "Wanna get out of here?"

I pull away and drop my arms, nodding gratefully at his suggestion.

The car ride is silent. I stare out the window and my thoughts on my mother overtake my consciousness. I'm an adult, I live on my own, I'm financially independent. But it's still sad that I don't have my mother in my life.

Soft tears start sliding out of my eyes and down my cheeks. I keep my gaze focused on the window.

Suddenly, the car stops and I see that we've pulled into the Patrick family house. I hadn't realized we were so close. I wipe my face hurriedly, trying to hide the fact that I'm crying.