Can you feel this?

I'm Desensitized

This may not make since to those who haven't experienced this— but try to follow along if you please
-someone who once had a heart of gold.

I'm hope that my eyes bring you pain when you look into them.
My eyes sit before my brain like windows to the never ending show- the fight between my brain and my heart.

You were greedy towards my heart of gold
You took what ever part of it you could hold. You traded it to someone else who's heart was made of stone. Leaving parts of my golden heart to turn to coal, igniting a fire in my chest that blazed brighter then the rest.

My blood runs like hot coals down someone throat. Seeming to melt what's left of my heart that was one made of gold. Even with this fire why do I seem so cold?

When my heart is ablaze, I become hollow
I become desensitized to any good emotion.
Never truly joyful or happy
Somewhere in between sadness and hollow— sadness or nothing at all- numb but smiling.
All while there's a hole burning through my chest- fire burning through my veins- aches where the fire is and my head fills with smoke.

Have you ever sat by a fire?
When the wind blows and the smoke gets in your face— your eyes water up— your throat burns and you start to cough.
The smoke from the fire rises-
Rises to my head- filling it with smoke.
Burning my throat to speak up.
Burning my ears to water up.
Covering the windows to my brain, letting no light in, covering the tunnels from my ears- letting no words in. The ones that travel pass the smoke are considers lies from the heart, things my heart has heard and wants to believe. Lies that have been told and promises that have been broken— my brain building up smoke. My eyes can't take anymore- the burning is intense- I can't sit by this fire anymore- the smoke hitting my eyes- the smoke burning my throat-I ache to speak-
I have to move on.

My eyes that have watered from the smoke,
watered from the blaze in my chest- the embers that could burn through hearts
-breaks-
They break- I break- the fire burns too much- hurts too much- I've got to extinguish it.
The water from my eyes- rolls down my cheeks— cool to the touch. They roll down my neck- relieving the burning of my throat- containing the unspoken words
They roll to my chest- the fire dims- but the embers still glow.
The smoke begins to clear. I can begin to hear- I begin to see- I begin realize..
I couldn't feel a thing.
I place a hand to my chest- where the fire was once ignited. I still feel the aching of a broken heart. The void in my chest has taken over- there's nothing but an empty void where my heart once beat- where once my heart was ablaze because my love for you set me on fire- your touch lit me up and you made my heart golden. — now, there's no gold- there's no coals.
Just ashes like a burnt out cigarette.
Left the blow away in the wind.
You left me hollow-
But when you come back to me- I let you in
Because I don't have the heart to turn you away.
You took that heart.