Family secrets

Chapter 12: Ready?

"W- Wait...what?" Victor hesitantly questioned, his eyes wide with confusion.

We were both seated at the island that separated the living room from the kitchen of his residence. The paper menus we previously chose dinner from, sprawled across the surface, seemingly forgotten by the elder man. I hadn't expected a reaction such as this. It seemed as though it truly took him by surprise, or perhaps he simply did not comprehend my words.

" according to what I have read, the length of time in which we have been romantic partners. Along with your experience with the topic at hand, we sh-"

" hang on! Wait!" he suddenly interrupted,  raising a hand in a gesture that illustrated his words. " Will, I mean...do you even know what you're suggesting right now?"

"Certainly!" I assured, or rather I had hoped to, but the manner in which he held my gaze followed by the fall of the hand he previously raised as he passes the other over his face suggested differently.

" really?" spoken from behind his palm in a sigh.

" it's fairly simple! If what I have read is accurate that is, "I said, prepared to share my knowledge if asked.

" where exactly did you read this?" he rose a brow. through a gap between his fingers as he met my gaze once again.

" a website, if I recall correctly it was entitled ' the Topic.com"  I informed, however, this did not seem to bring Victor any comfort. rather he seemed more bothered by my words. maybe it's the action that disinterested him? Or perhaps... was it I?

" do you not wish to?" I questioned, receiving a slight pinch in my chest as I did.

" what!? No Will! I mean, Of course, I want to...I just..." Victor hesitated. combing his hand through his hair and resting the other on the surface of the island as if for support, though he had been sitting.  "I don't think you're...We're ready for that yet." and so, the pinch of pain, grow into something more. Had I truly been the reason our relationship resembled the one labeled as 'slow to develop', on the site I visited? am I so blind not to see that what I was suggesting wasn't possible because of my own self!?                                                                                                                                    Perhaps I should apologize? but  I've not experienced such same and guilt prior to this moment,  I know not what the proper way to go about this is. 

"I...I have researched! Not exactly of the action, but of its effects on the partners! And... and I truly wish to bring you pleasure so_"

"That's not it!" Victor interrupted, resting his hands on my shoulder in what I suspect was an attempt to be converting. I felt a fool! Why had I choose to defend when I had little knowledge of what I claim to and had already been rejected!?

"I-I see... I apologize." I intended to excuse my behavior, but the trembling of my lips and the involuntary stutter that it caused only managed to further embarrass me. So I settled for lowering my head. There was silence once more. The flesh of my cheeks heating with the fleeting time, along with the weight of the shame I placed upon myself.

"Are you sure?" I thought I heard him say and hesitantly rose my head.

" p-pardon?"

" are you sure you're ready for this?" Victor repeated, his solid grey on mine searching for the answer to his own words. I nodded my head, lowering my eyes not to see his that for whatever reason weighted heavily on my chest.                                                                                                                    He suddenly stood, extending a hand that I took without added reflection. The moment I had, I was pulled to my feet and lead in the direction in which his washroom, as well as his dormitory, resided. Upon entering the room, the attire of comfort and security that I had developed due to my numerous visits to, converted back to the restless, nervousness, I felt when I first entered Victor place of living. My body felt rigid as I stood away from the entrance, keeping still as I allowed my eyes to wonder about.