Family secrets

Chapter 19: ' i love you'

Until a little while ago, the phrase ' i love you' only sounded real when I was a kid.
I only ever heard it from my M'a, then again it's not like there was anyone else around to say it. The family on my mother side's relationship was always rocky, they came around only when they wanted something and left right after they got it.
When she was with that man, they stayed a bit longer, but once I was in the picture, he disappeared and so did they.
By the time I was born the only person I had left to tell me stuff like that was her, and she wouldn't shut up about it!

After she was gone through, I stopped hearing it for a while.
Love turned into something like a celebrity or a luxurious name brand, too far and too expensive for me to reach or afford.
But I still tried, getting a shit load of knock-offs for the price of the real thing. Don't get me wrong, my Exes aren't all bad people, their alright and I did like them at some point, but that's just it! I liked them and they liked me, no more than that. We didn't love each other, even if we said it, we didn't feel it and we both knew it, which would eventually lead to the breakups.

It didn't start off any different with Will, my curiosity for the shoeless boy across the street turned into a happy friendship and finally, he was so much more to me.
Back then I liked him, just like I did my exes, but that didn't last long. I'm not sure when it changes, going from like to the feeling I hadn't given of gotten in a while, wasn't a big event. I didn't look into his eyes and suddenly decided that what I feel for him is any more then what I did for my exes, I didn't hit me like a tune of bricks or glitter to the eye, but when I did notice, it stayed with me.
As chicken shit as it sounds, I didn't tell Will about how I felt because I was scared it would chase him away, that he would start avoiding me, but that night when he muttered those words before falling asleep...
I've never felt this way before, so I don't know how long it'll last, without death taking it away. but I love Will, and no matter how long the glitter stings my fucking eyes I decided to keep that smile on his face.

That's what I promised myself. So when I opened the door to head to the store, with still no text from him, neither canceling nor rescheduling our date despite the time. And Will was standing there, wide, red eyes staring at me. I probably scared him,  opening the door so suddenly, but I doubt that was the cause of the tear traces on his face that made me freeze in place.

" um...s-sorry, I should have called," he said, his lips trembling like the rest of his body.
Everything but my eyes felt like it was turned to stone as I looked over his messed up uniform, the white dress shirt was wrinkled and uneven, his pants looking as if his belt wasn't doing its job and he wasn't wearing his blazer.
" i-i knows you've told me not to come while still in my uniform, but I..." tears he was obviously trying to hold in, followed the lines left by the ones he cried before, and just like that I could move again.
I wrapped my hands around him, burying his face in my chest as I rubbed his back, trying to calm him down.

" Will, what's wrong? What happened?!" I asked but he couldn't answer if the sobs that forced their way up his throat had anything to say about it.
After holding him like this for a couple of minutes, I lead him inside, holding him close to my shocked self. 
He cried for a bit longer, the sound making my chest hurt as I sat there hugging him and patting his back, trying to calm him down. I feel so useless at this point, the person I loved was in pain and I didn't even fucking know why!
He looked like he was attacked, but if he came all this way in his uniform knowing how dangerous it was, I'm sure whatever happened didn't happen around here.

" i-i'm sorry," he said, pulling away slightly, trying to compose himself.

" don't be," I said, wiping the tears from his face with a napkin and handing it to him so he could blow his nose. I waited until he was calm, or at less stopped shaking. " what happened?" I asked again, holding one of his hands to comfort him as I looked into bloodshot eyes.
He stiffens, looking everywhere but at me, his mouth opened and closed multiple times, and I waited.
seeing Will like this hurts, I was supposed to take care of him, to protect him and make it so that he would never cry a single tear, but here we were going through the last of my tissues for something I don't even know about. But right now I couldn't even feel the pain, because of how fucking pissed I am! At myself, and at the fucking piece of shit that made my Will like this! 
Even so, right now the most important thing is making sure Will is ok.

"I...we had a...miscommunication...a confrontation," he said, and I noticed how his hand tightened in mine.