Family secrets

Chapter24: To protect.

The drive was silent, not from a lack of effort on the chauffeur s part,  but on my own,  for responding to all of his attempted to strike up conversations with discouraging, short replies.

I no longer took public transport nor did I return to my home on foot, I had broken many of the rules as it was, it no longer seemed appropriate to follow this one. And this would surely keep me from seeking a certain someone out. the same someone who hunted my mind the entire ride from school to residence. 

Despite this and the once blessing now curse radio silence I've received from Kaiden's end, I had arrived 2 hours tardy.  it would appear that my behavior has alerted a number of my professors prompting in intervention. they inquired on the reasoning, despite being well aware of my involvement with Kaiden, and I lied, shamefully. I know not if they believed me, and I cared not, simply happy to have been allowed to leave. 

" Have a lovely evening" my chauffeur said, doing his best to be cordial.

" Thank you," I responded as I exited the vehicle, not facing him, concentrating on keeping the tears that I had been surprised for the majority of the day, in control.

I quickly moved up the steps and into the house, moving particularly fast past the entrance, where our romantic relationship began on that fateful evening. A lovely memory that I could no longer bear to recall.

 "I'm home," I called half-heartedly, as I made my way to the staircase. I  in no way wished to bring attention to myself, I much rather return to my dormitory as soon and with little interruptions as possible. However, as I had previously stated, I was tardy returning and it would be unrealistic to think that Clear would not want to know the reasoning for such. Or so I thought, but she did not emerge into the corridor,  she hadn't even responded to my announcing my presence. I do not fault her, she has been, mother, friend, and ally to me long before as well as during Kaiden, and yet, despite all this, I had not shared the recent events with her. She had also tried to intervene; asking me what was wrong and reassuring me that I could speak to her. 

It felt awful, that she felt as though she needed to state something she has proven many times before, and for hurting her by keeping my silence.  it hurt, however, in this case, It is also for the best. Clear is an emotional person, I was spearing her the full wrath of my own.

I ascended the stairs and made my way to my room without incident, where I both hoped for and dreaded remaining until dawn. With every step that drew me close to my destination, my chest tightened ever so slightly. The times I spent alone were the worst, It was then that every memory, happy like sad, the same once that haunted my mind in the day and new ones that joined in returned to taunt me, and perhaps that was what I deserved

It was I who took the risk, and now I must reap the consequences. I regret plenty, but not as much as what I had done to the one I loved most. I had betrayed him, justified or not. I hurt him and had no right to make excuses.

The tears began to fall, despite me not yet being behind the secured door of my room. I could only hope now that he was doing well.

A ball formed in my throat, and my eyes further burned as a new wave of tears made their way through my tear docs.

I couldn't arrive any sooner. Shutting the door behind myself before turning with all intention of burying myself in my sheets and allowing the overwhelming feelings to wash over me, I hadn't gotten a step away from the entrance when I noticed him, sitting at the edge of the bed, looking down at his feet.

Everything ceased!

The tears, ball in my throat, even basic subconscious actions went silent, for a moment I had stopped breathing, moving, and thinking, all my concentration put into my visuals and stared at the apprehension! That was what it was, a hallucination because it could not have been!