Walking Amongst Them (Among Us, Book 2)

Relationships

I guess my plan of avoiding Beck indefinitely had to come to an end somehow. I was just finishing up my bowl of soup, trying to ignore what the meat was before it was cooked, when it happened. Michael was coming out of Abby's tent and Sam was entertaining people by the fire, telling them how it was like at the compound. Trish had disappeared, and I wondered mildly if she was by the stream.

I unzipped the sleeping tent and stepped inside, surprised to not see either Ben or Adam. But Beck, who I had thought was . . . well I had lost track. But I assumed that it would have been Adam in the tent.

"Kodi, I didn't... I mean... it's nice to see you," he stumbled over his words. "I've missed you."

I contemplated turning around but I knew that would only look strange. And probably hurt his feelings worse than it seemed I'd already managed to do.

"I miss you too," I admitted, surprising myself.

He was sitting on one of the beds on the outside edge of the tent. The middle and other beds were empty. One shoe was off, and it looked like he was in the middle of untying his other shoe. I swallowed.

"I can leave if you were changing."

He shook his head, "No, I mean, I'm just getting ready to go to sleep." He paused, watching me, "were you coming in here to change? I can step out for a minute."

"No," I said, putting my hands up to stop him as he made to put his other shoe back on, "I was just coming to sleep before my watch."

"Oh."

I nodded softly, and cleared my throat. I was now stuck with the choice of which bed to choose. The one next to him, or the one on the other side of the small tent.

"Kodi?"

I looked at him and tried to control my breathing, not sure what I was doing, "yeah?"

"What did I do?"

I chose the middle bed. Falling to my knees and kicking off my shoes as I did. I was careful not to look at him, afraid that if I did, I would fall back into his arms and it would be alright again. I wanted to, but I also wanted to be honest with myself.

Chester had asked me one thing in his death, to be brave. If I couldn't even be brave with myself, well then I was afraid that I wasn't brave at all.

I looked to him then, trying to plead with my eyes for him to understand my words and where I was coming from. I wasn't sure in my feelings. At least, not as sure as he was. I felt the same towards him as I felt towards Adam, or Sam. Maybe a little more. But it was confusing when he said such sweet words and claimed me as his. I'd never had anyone do that before, and it scared me to think I was just happy someone wanted me in that way.

"Look, Beck, I'm not sure I'm where you are in all of this." I gestured between him and myself.

The necklace that I still wore around my neck felt heavy, like it was a thick chain rather than simple cord.

His face fell slightly, but he nodded anyways.

"I think I understand, but I want you to know that it changes nothing in how I feel for you."

I looked down at my hands folded in my lap, "I didn't think it would. But I need to know that I miss my friend," I started, but couldn't finish.

I'm sure when I started to talk about missing my friend, that I had meant Beck. Or tried to. But once the words were out all I could think about was Chester, and how happy I'd been with Beck in the moments after his death. How guilty I felt about it.