Feelings Long Buried - Roger Taylor

April 1976

A/N: This ^ song comes into play this chapter, and it goes with the last few paragraphs pretty well if you listen while you read!

Not two days after the Night at the Opera tour wrapped up, Y/N fell back into her normal London routine. With how often she traveled with the band, she knew how to get back into what she called home fairly easily. The one thing that was a bit different than the past year and a half of returning home, is that she didn't see Colin right away. He had called a few days before she got back and said he would be basically living at work for the few days after the tour finished. It seemed like a half-assed excuse, but Y/N didn't fixate on it.

So now, she was on her way Colin's flat, excited to see her boyfriend after two months. With a light knock at his door, he opened it almost instantly. Y/N felt a grin spread over her face, since he must've been as excited to see her too. She barely caught his small smile before stepping towards him.

"Hi, you," Y/N grinned and placed a kiss on his lips. Her intention was to quickly turn the kiss into a more passionate one, but Colin hardly responding to the kiss stopped her in her tracks. She pulled back to gauge his reaction, and hopefully learn what was up, but only saw sadness in his eyes. "Colin? You alright?" she asked tentatively.

He sighed. Reaching past his girlfriend, he tossed the door shut, leaving Y/N to still wonder what the deal was. Her worry was only rising. "Y/N...we should talk," he said almost miserably. Y/N's stomach instantly twisted. She may have nodded and sat on his couch calmly, but she had an ache already weighing her down.

"Alright..." she whispered before clearing her throat. Colin sat beside her but remained silent. Like he was contemplating whatever spurred this conversation. "No one's ever said 'we should talk' in that tone when it was good news, so..." Y/N's voice started to quicken with her nerves. "What's wrong?"

Colin took a breath, steadying himself before meeting her eyes. "This isn't working." The twist in Y/N's stomach released, but it wasn't in relief. Now it just felt like someone dropped a ton of bricks on her.

"What?" she choked out.

"Come on, Y/N," his voice, previously steady, quickly started cracking. "This...hasn't been working for a while now." The dim light in his flat offered no help to Y/N trying to figure out what was behind his eyes.

Her brows furrowed together. "What do you mean? We've been, fine. We've always been fine. We've barely even fought since we met each other?" Y/N said, well asked really, her voice laced with confusion.

"Maybe that's the problem," Colin said with an urgency in his tired eyes. "Couples are supposed to argue sometimes...means there's still a spark." He muttered his last point. The distance between them on the couch seemed like a mile. Like whatever closeness they'd ever felt to each other was only an illusion. "Don't we both deserve someone who we love passionately through everything? The good and the bad? Not just what's easy?"

"How long have you felt like this? Is, is it just because I was on tour? I know this one was a long one, but-" Y/N's voice was starting verge on frantic as her mind tried to piece things together.

"Distance doesn't have anything to do with this, Y/N," Colin interrupted. Now his voice was starting to quicken. She searched his blue eyes, welling with tears, and had the feeling this was hurting him too. "It's never been...we've never been... You've written songs about love before. There's supposed to be an intensity, passion-"

"Did you ever even love me?" she asked before she could stop. Y/N physically bit her tongue after she asked it. She didn't want to ask such a thing and hated that her insecurity was taking advantage of her.

Colin wore a hurt expression, which was to be expected. "Of course I did," he whispered as a few tears finally spilled onto his cheeks. "I-I don't think you did..." Y/N's mouth fell open in a hurt and frankly shocked expression.