Destined to Be

Chapter Five: Lacking Hope

Chapter Five:

                  Lacking Hope

Come as you are, as you were. As I want you to be. – Nirvana

We had reached Lauren’s room and I was now sitting on her bed waiting for her to stop rummaging through her mini fridge. Although I was sure that I maintained a calm persona on the outside, internally I was confused.

Having being practically the youngest in the family, I guess I should be used to being kept out of the loop, but I wasn’t. And to be honest it hurt me knowing that no one trusted me enough to tell me anything; even more so knowing that I’ve always been completely honest and open to everyone around me.

I guess I have more issues than I thought.

Staring blankly at the white bedspread beneath me my mind wandered to Dylan, and how I had woken up in his bed. Or to be more specific, had woken up in his arms. Blushing at the mere memory, I bit my lip and twiddled with my fingers.

To be honest, I’m not sure what’s gotten into me. I normally pride myself for being so different, and refusing to be part of the ‘’norm’’, but the way I have been acting lately I feel as if I might as well dye my hair blonde, and start chewing bubble gum and like those childish attention-seeking cheerleaders portrayed in those stereotypical American movies.

Frowning, I shook my head. No way was I ever going to dye my hair ‘sides I love my confused hair; it’s absolutely amazing!

Running a hand through my hair out of frustration, I glared at nothing in particular. I need to stop acting this way! Especially in front of Dylan! I mean, it’s bad enough I seem to have a growing crush on him; I don’t need to act stupidly girly around him!

 Although I have always wished to be one of those fortunate girls who had the guts to just say and do what they please; I wasn’t. It simply wasn’t me, and it was eating me alive knowing that my cowardly behaviour is preventing me finding out whether or not my absurdly fast growing emotions are reciprocated by Dylan.

 It’s a bit stupid, I know. Yet, I can’t help it.

Here’s this guy, who is without a doubt nothing but perfection in my eyes, and somehow everything I wished to find in a guy. For some stupid reason it seems that he may possibly have feelings for me; or maybe it was my mind over thinking? I don’t know, but I really hope I’m not imagining things; I would hate for whatever this is to be one-sided.

Before leaving, Lauren had said that she would explain to me why she was examining Dylan and I so intently, and so far she hasn’t said a word. It was quiet frustrating, sitting quietly depending on someone else just to get some answers; but I knew I had to do it.

It has now been roughly ten minutes since we’ve arrived to her room; yet she hasn’t said a word. This kid really knows how to try my patience!

I know I should probably be grateful someone thinks that I should know the truth and have at least some answers; but this is just stupid now. Seeing as I am technically a werewolf I should know everything that there is to know, more importantly I should and need to know whether or not soul mates do really exist.

 To be honest I was kind of torn when it came to thinking about being with Dylan. Although there was a part of me wished that I were right about the whole Werewolf soul mate thing, the other part of me chastised my naïve side for thinking irrationally.

 If Dylan were to be with me, then he would have to downgrade; no way would he be as happy with me as he would be with someone far superior to me.