The Name // Park Junhee

; twenty-seven ;

"Yes, 50 shades of grey inspired – the red room."

"I made a mistake by asking her what was all that and she answered me with a simple, "I'll show you", and that's when the biggest mistake of my life – as they said it – started."

Another sip.

"She showed me everything that she could do in the room. She... took my virginity, with the worse way I could ever possibly imagine. At first I thought she was a psycho, for seeking pleasure from those kind of things.

"So I stopped seeing her. I avoided her at school, I didn't reply to her texts, I stopped answering her calls until one day..."

Another sip.

"I found myself... craving for it. I tried to distract myself but it kept coming back to me.

"So I looked for her. I went to her house. I told her I wanted to be her girlfriend and that I want her to bring me into the room again, everyday.

"And she did. She brought me into the room everyday. I tried new things everyday and I could feel I was getting addicted to it."

She paused, her hands were holding the mug tightly, her head lowered that her short hair covered her face. I didn't realise what was happening until a roll of tears fell on the table, followed with soft sniffles.

I was taken aback at first but immediately did the only thing I could think of. I wrapped an arm around her tiny frame and whispered comforting words under my breath.

"They found out about it. They found out about her." She managed to murmur softly.

"Who are they?"

"The mothers from the orphanage." She reached up to her face to wipe her tears with the sleeve of her hoodies.

"They hated me for it. They made other kids in the orphanage hated me. They tortured me for my mistakes." Her cry got louder.

I wasn't sure what exactly to do so I just kept my hand on her back, caressing it softly hoping it would sooth her in some ways.

"They isolated me from the other kids, they forbade them from talking to me, they put me in the punishment room.

"I wasn't allowed to go out at all. They only let me out of the room during meal time. I was forced to leave school, they insisted that school turned me into a bad person and that education is not important, said I only need to focus on fixing my soul.

"It went on for over a year, until they completely 'healed' me. But I still wasn't allowed to go out of the orphanage. They made me help them with the other kids."

She stopped talking, nothing can be heard other than her soft sniffles and the silence somewhat suffocated me and I was dying to ask the one question that had been stuck in my head ever since she started telling me the story so I did exactly that.

"And what happened with your name?"

She let out a suppressed chuckle.

"Yeah, about that. They used to call me by my real name when they tortured me. They even made posters about it, using my name."

Pause. Another rush of tears fell from her eyes.

" 'Soeun is the Satan's child', 'Don't be like Soeun, you'll go to hell' "

My hand froze on her back, I felt a huge lump on my throat as the bits of words, as the name fell from her lips.

The name sounded beautiful when she said it, ignoring the context of the whole sentence.

"That's when I decided that I don't want to feel close to the name as it hurts me in every possible way. So I created a name that only I know, to start anew when I left the orphanage."

I tried to control my breathing, trying to stay calm.

"Soeun... is that your name?"

She turned to look at me, eyes still glassy from all the crying. She faked a smile before nodding.

"Yes, but please don't call me that."

"Oh... Sorry. Yeah, I... I won't call you that, don't worry."

"Thanks."

We stayed silent for a few more moments before she got up from the seat and walked to the sink, with the mug in her hand. I looked down and notice I also finished my tea.

"I'm going to sleep. Sorry I just... told you all that." She fidgeted as her feet glued to the floor near the sink.

"I hope you still want to be my friend. But it's totally understandable if you don't want to, I won't force."

A soft chuckle escaped my mouth.

"It's nothing really. We're still friends." I assured her.

"Oh thank God."

"Yea. Now go to sleep, you look tired."

"Yeah, I should go to sleep. Good night."

She made her way to the living room but stopped midway,

"And Jun..." she turned around. I looked up, wide eyes.

"Yeah?"

"Thank you, for the comforting words."

My lips curled into a smile,

"No worries."